broken ➳ destiel

eighteen

"it is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply." d.j

☁

"Dean..." Cas' weak words were barely audible, his throat was hoarse and his breath was shaky, his body closing in on itself, he called more names, "Sam... Charlie."

Those were the only names he knew how to call. The only names he dubbed himself to love. They all three in their own way taught him humanity. Everything was so complex, the whole world. Each branch of science, history, mathematics, and even simple intellect made him tilt his head, squinting his eyes. Tilting his head, well, to him at least, was like turning his perspective a different way, a way to think outside the box. He had always turned his head, especially at people and random objects that he couldn't understand. As an angel, as a celestial being, he watched and observed each branch, its leaves growing and growing, giving it more power and more understanding.

He observed as science grew bigger and bigger, scientists and physicists discovering and creating, finding laws of motion and gravity, shouting interjections of excitement when discovering and finishing. He observed as history and time went on, how everything changed. Cultures, with their food and music and heritage, passed on for generations and generations, each era a new way to express themselves. He observed as people grew, putting their minds together to solve a conflict or puzzle, fabricating new ideas and making machinery so complex, that even Castiel, who studied for years and years, could not figure out.

Sam had taught him closeness and family. He kept Dean from falling apart, kept John from snapping more by protecting Castiel and telling him he meant no harm. He taught him the importance of keeping the ones you love close. He was like the glue or tape of the family. Being the youngest, he was predominately the weakest, yet he grew taller and bigger than everybody around him, causing him to be stronger. 

Charlie taught him patience and hospitality. She came to Castiel with open arms, welcoming him into her life so uncommonly elated. She showed him the virtue of patience, to just wait, and let his heart control him when he was ready. Yet he didn't know when he was ready, he didn't know what the different feelings meant. Charlie gave him gifts, physical and emotional. When he was alone in the bunker, she visited on her own pursuit, giving him advice on his emotions and giving him things he needed.

Dean, well, Dean had accidentally taught him too many things to count. Love, for starters. Whatever Castiel felt, Charlie had told him it was love. He's the one who freed him, breaking his wings and spilling his grace. He learned freedom and coping with it. He loved Dean, and he will always protect him with his life no matter what it was. Castiel didn't know what to do with his love, however. Did he shove it deep down in his heart and in the back of his mind? When Dean was ready, would Castiel tell him what Charlie had? He didn't know.

All of that didn't matter, however. Because Cas was certain he would die.

Hanging from the rusted chains, Castiel's blood rushed to his head. He felt like everything inside of him was on fire, burning his flesh in an indescribable way. He ached, across his skin where Dagon had sliced it open, trying to get words out of his mouth.

Castiel never budged. Every hour or so she would come back, asking the same question.

"What do you know about the Winchesters?" she would bark in his face, her teeth clenched in anger.

But his answer was always the same.

"I don't know anything."

He would never tell any goddamn demon in his life who and what the Winchester brothers were. He trusted them with his life, willingly getting tortured because he knew they'd save him. He knew they were trying right now to find him. But with each minute he counted, his confidence lowered, yet his humbleness floated the same.