she thought she finally found someone true, and fell in love with them. but the person had many walls built up, she tried to reach through them and show how much she cares. she thinks he is damaged and has a dark perception of the world. he doesn't really show himself.
she realises she will never really get through to him. he won't let her. he doesn't, or can't really love her back. what she thought was inside of him really isn't there (but she loves him anyway).
she looks to him and sees "nothing" because what she originally saw in him doesn't really exist. and that "nothing" has become truth to her. she has to remind herself he can't give back.
the "truth" she looks to him to see, is also the depressing realisation that she can't look to someone else to make her happy. he taught her this sad truth.
she doesn't normally open up to people easily either, but she offered her heart to him, to be her home, and welcomed his. deep in his mind, he knows. he realises how much she loved him, but it's too late. and doesn't matter. his heart is too protected, but he smiles knowing what she has given him.
...and she fades into him. she loved him so much he became everything to her. at first she looked to him as someone to make her happy, but ended up trying to be everything to make him happy. and lost herself.
she begins to see the darkness in him, in herself. she is hurt and depressed and has lost hope. it's like looking in a mirror.
after everything she thinks it is strange he never knew how much she really wanted to care and how sincere she was and wanted to be the one to make him happy and for him to be the one to make her happy. what could have been. the hurt he was causing her. she loved him for what he was. he's too messed up and self-centred to appreciate it. or just didn't feel the same way.
disappointment. a broken heart. and a damaged soul.
maybe the darkness also becomes part of what makes him so real to her. accepting truth in disappointment and hurt. he has damaged her, she can't trust her own perception of reality. and now she has to build her own walls. there is a loss.
she continues to love him from a distance, but she is done.
part of her believes she understood him and that he would have loved her if only he really knew. the other part of her knows the truth.
