Destiny

September 2017 . Winter has been really cold . To be honest , I can't help but stare outside my window . Everything I think about brings tears to my eyes in an instant . My depression has been getting worse and there seems to be no way out . The only thing I am losing myself in lately is gaming . Not that it is a sort of satisfaction that I feel whenever I do it , let's just say that I feel less alone when I have my online friends around me . Most people I know call me crazy really . They can't seem to understand that people you have never met in your entire life could be considered anything even close to a friend . As for me ? I see it as a different way of bonding with someone . Friendship doesn't have to be fiscal all the time . You can also be friends by speech . In my opinion having online friends makes me feel less insecure about myself . I don't have to change myself for them and neither do they have to change theirselfs for me . It's the connection between multiple people at the same time when you game that makes this experience so beautiful in my opinion . No one who judges you by how bad your languages are or even how you look . Most people don't even ask to see what you look like until you actually just go on a crazy mode and start sending pictures around to make them all laugh . A little smile appears on my face for a second , my life is not so bad after all I guess .

I look at my watch and realise I have been daydreaming for almost an hour . Rushing to get myself ready I trip over something random on the floor and bump my head into the wall . "Ouch !" I say rubbing my head with a small smile on my face . Atleast my clumsiness is something that will never change . I have always been somewhat clumsy . Hey it is called skill when you're able to trip over a flat surface . I laugh a little . I drag my gaming chair towards my TV and sit down into it . "Ugh I really need a good headset when the time comes , this headset is hurting my ears and are starting to annoy me ." Everybody among my friends knew I did not live an easy life as 24 year old . Whoops yeah I forgot to even mention that didn't I ? You might be wondering who I am by now . Well let me me tell you how I even came to this in the first place .

-status online-

Momo: "Hey Brezzy what's up ? Did you have a good day ?"
Brezzy: "Momo ? Did you again forget it is still really early here where I live ?"
Momo: "Oh yeah my apologies Brezzy I didn't mean to sound all stupid ."

Around this time I was dating my online boyfriend Brezzy . To be honest we never used our real names while we gamed . Cause out of habit we would just read the name on our screen and go with that . We never even asked what the names were of the other people we gamed with as a matter of privacy that is . But none the less I was always somewhat curious to what their names were . Anyways I'm actually rambling again which I shouldn't . Let's continue shall we ?

Momo: "So what's the plan for today ?"
Brezzy: "Well the new raid layer dropped today , and I was thinking of getting a team together and actually check it and maybe beat it while we are at it ."
Momo: "Sounds like a good plan , though I don't really have any friends aside from you I can actually interact with to ask them if they can join us for the raid layer ."

I mean yeh sure it is not that he was the only person on my friends list really . I had a lot of friends on Playstation but recently something really bad happened and that's where Brezzy came in to vision . Well to make the long story short I was on the verge of actually ending my own life . My former online boyfriend made me feel so horrible that I was so deep that an overdose of pills seemed like my only way out . The evening that it occurred I texted Brezzy a message on Kik and told him that I would end my life if I didn't have anyone who'd actually stop . At that time he dropped everything and rushed to his PS4 to actually talk me out of whatever I was planning on doing . Anyways I said I'd make it short so let's continue shall we ?

Brezzy: "I do have some people I can hit up and ask if they are interested on joining up on us to clear this ."

OH WAIT WAIT !!! I forgot to mention that I was in a big gaming community right . Hahaha yeah I am in this big gaming community that was started by a streamer on Twitch called BadassGamingLive . Main reason I know Brezzy is basically out of that community . Anyways moving on shall we ?