The Misses Foo & Cockerill

Princesses, Peacocks, and Frogs

Miss Foo's big eye twinkled in utterly evil delight and the squinty one squinted in utterly evil anticipation.

No one could stop her now!

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the mayor called out from on top of table. He waved a banana in the air to get the crowd's attention. "Welcome, welcome to the 42nd annual Williwaw Wacky Whoop-de-doo! This year has been an especially good one..." He continued to say some incredibly boring things that made Miss Cockerill yawn. She perked up again when he finished up with, "and don't forget to vote for best costume. Have a wonderful and wacky evening!"

He gave a little chirrup like a monkey, waved his banana once or twice more, and hopped down from the table to tremendous applause.

The applause was so tremendous in fact, that someone knocked into Officer Steve (who had closed the door and come inside for a refreshment), which caused him to spill his drink all down the front of Miss Cockerill's dress.

The room fell silent.

"I'm sorry!" Officer Steve said, "So sorry, it wasn't my fault!"

But it was too late.

The blood rose to Miss Cockerill's cheeks. She pinched her eyes tightly, struggling to retain control.

The whole room held their breath.

Then Miss Cockerill said very quietly, "Tee-hee."

"Uh oh," said the mayor.

Miss Cockerill grabbed the nearest drink, which happened to be a tomato and olive juice, and poured it over poor Steve's head. Grabbing the greengrocer's and the mayor's drinks, she then poured them over his head. And finally, to cap it all off, she grabbed the punch bowl from the hors devours table and poured that over his head. Steve just stood there and took it. He knew that anything he did would only make it worse.

"But she had an invitation," he sobbed. "She was on the list."

All eyes were on Miss Cockerill as she stood in the center of the room, panting with rage.

"I am a princess!" she shouted. Nobody said anything. "I am! Say it, say that I am a princess!"

The room was silent. Miss Cockerill's eyes narrowed.

Suddenly a voice, weak and faint, so faint that it could scarcely be made out, called out from a corner of the room.

"You are a princess?" it said. It continued, drawing nearer Miss Cockerill and stronger as it neared. "But are you a frog? I've seen a frog before, but how am I to know that it wasn't a princess? If a frog can be a princess, why can't a peacock? But what is a princess? For that matter, what is a peacock?" The crowd parted to reveal a man in a tweed jacket with a stubbly beard dressed up as a university professor, or perhaps a poet.

But Miss Cockerill knew that it wasn't a costume at all.

#

Eli had been staring up in horror at the flying saber-toothed tiger flapping around the cupola when he saw Phil-osopher come stumbling down the street.

"You're ok!" Eli yelled, sprinting out to him.

The man didn't look at Eli, or even acknowledge that he had heard him. Instead he just continued his slow stumble towards town hall, muttering things under his breath that Eli couldn't make heads or tails of.

Eli was surprised to see that Officer Steve had abandoned his post, and even more surprised when Phil-osopher simply pushed through the unlocked door, muttering something like, "...whiffling through the tulgey wood..."

It looked like Phil-osopher finally understood, was going to help, was going to stop Miss Foo and save Julie! Eli slipped in through the door behind him.

Inside somebody was giving a speech and the crowd was silent.

"Hey!" Eli yelled, seizing the moment.

"Shhhh!" three people turned to him and said.

Eli tried to yell out again, but as he did the crowd broke into a wild cheering.

"Ugh!" Eli cried to himself. "Worthless adults!" Like everything else, he would have to do this himself. He looked around for the stairs. Where were they? He must find the stairs, the way up!

There was a scream and a hush.

Miss Foo? Eli thought.

Phil-osopher began pushing towards the throng towards the scream, as if it drew him like a siren's song, muttering about frogs and peacocks the whole while. Eli followed.

But it wasn't Miss Foo–it was Miss Cockerill.

"I am a princess," she insisted, cheeks flushed and punch running down the front of her dress.

"Quite," Phil-osopher agreed. "For in the mind's eye aren't we all? And is there any other eye more important? My eyes can see that you are a princess, but can't looks be deceiving?"

Eli didn't have time for this nonsense. "We have to find Miss Foo!" he demanded. "She has Julie in the Snarl! Hurry!"

But neither one of the adults was paying attention. Phil-osopher had Miss Cockerill by the hand and had just laid a kiss on the back of it. He didn't want to stop Miss Foo at all! He only cared about himself!

The rest of the guests had breathed a sigh of relief, silently thanking the man who was able to calm Miss Cockerill. They had started chatting with each other and laughing about things that weren't really funny at all.

"HEY!" Eli yelled. "FOO?! SNARL?! JULIE? Any of this ringing a bell?!"

They both looked at him.

"Weevil!" Miss Cockerill said as if she had just seen him there. "I mean...Eli. I didn't know you were here."

"Please," Eli begged desperately.

Then Phil-osopher said something that surprised Eli; he said it suddenly and coherently, without the faintest hint of rhyme or doubt. "We really ought to stop her," he said. "A little chaos is good, but too much..." he shuddered, apparently fighting some of the tangles still left in his mind from his run on the machine.

"Please, Miss Cockerill," Eli pleaded.

Miss Cockerill chewed on her hair. She looked around the ball and down at her ruined dress. And then she said something that surprised Eli; she said it unselfishly and coherently without the faintest hint of spite of malice. "Ok," she said. "Come on, I saw the stairs earlier over near the bathroom."

And the strange little group hurried off together.