Lonely Hearts (Porter Robinson Fanfiction)

Loneliness (Part 2)

"I haven't been honest with you," I choked out, my voice cracking near the end.

Porter dropped the phone in his hand. In a fraction of a second, it was cracked on the floor, pieces of the screen shattered completely. I jumped, his reaction taking me fully by surprise. The number of people who had been staring at us earlier multiplied, as dozens of pairs of eyes trained on the broken phone on the ground. The room erupted in silence, and the air was tense in astonishment.

Porter cleared his throat, hardly glancing at me before shoving the phone in Dallas's direction. His face conveyed nothing more than disgust and disgrace. "Please leave," He spoke in a low voice, almost a sad whisper.

I stepped backwards, tears forming in my eyes, blurring the scene in front of me. Dallas is shrugging at his broken phone and at Porter, who is beginning to walk away and leave the two of us together. He disappears into the crowd, a blur among the people just beginning to resume their conversation. It leaves me broken, disentegrated, like an old dusty book thrown to the back of the shelf, humiliated and filled with grief. My limbs that were frozen solid a few minutes ago now refuse to sit still, and I try to move them forward towards the door. There are no words that I can speak to Dallas, nothing I could do or say would change the inevitable fact that I was hiding something monumental. I would be lying if I said that what Dallas did wasn't wrong, but at the same time he did the right thing. Honesty is unavoidable, facts are facts. Revenge wouldn't be the right way to go about things. This was purely my own fault, and it was unavoidable, bound to happen. The only realization that I would have to face was the feeling of remorse, and that I had put myself in this situation.

The thought struck my mind that I probably looked insane running down the street, my hair flying out behind me and my dress brushing against my thighs. The cold air ripped at my bare arms since I was too shaken to go and retrieve my jacket from the door greeters. I wondered if the party was just getting back to normal or if everyone was still gaping at Porter and Dallas, while their faces displayed the emotions that I had last seen on them. Porter was undoubtedly embarrassed by me, since I had basically ruined his night at the least.

Shame coursed through my veins as I arrived at my apartment. What was I supposed to do now? Wait for Porter to call me in total vindication, as if I had just forgot to mention crucial detail that would make or break things between us? It was time for me to face facts. I had left the past like it was, and instead of talking about it I had tried to pretend that it didn't happen at all. I had never felt more stupid or more heartbroken. It was too much to handle in one night, but one thing I knew for certain - Porter was done with me. The thought that Porter and I were completely over crowded my mind and I collapsed inside my apartment, unbearable sadness seeping into my bones.

PORTER's P.O.V.
Sometimes in the middle of a crowd, I'll feel completely alone. Not really because I dislike anyone there, I just feel out of place. There's some situations you just can't get out of in life. Some can be in my control - others can't. As I stood in the ballroom in the middle of Manhattan on a Friday night, I never felt more out of place. Everyone was looking at me and Dallas with wide eyes, as if any second I was going to strike out and start a fight. But I wasn't that kind of person. If anything, I was the opposite. I held in my emotions and grief as I stood on the outskirts of the ballroom, the crowds of people milling around immersed in conversations, flutes of champagne in hand. I must have looked like a minnow in an ocean full of sharks.

I decided to leave shortly after that. Alexa had left already, and apart from her there was no one I was really familiar with. I had come out here with her and her only, and now... now there was no reason for me to stay. I had talked to Elisabeth briefly again, explaining that it was a small misunderstanding and that everything was alright now, but I would be heading home in a few minutes. She had nodded, clearly relieved that the party-disrupter would be on his way.