Breathe (Under Edit)

Chapter 3

I kneel before them with tears softly rolling down my cheeks. "Hey, mom...hi dad...hey David." Each hello I look at their headstone. I wait in silences as if expecting them to answer. "I..." I choke on my words as tears run faster. My voice is low "...sorry..." The wind picks up as if to cover my word. It slams against me punishing me for speaking. I stare at their graves. "This is my fault..." I can see them nodding their heads.

"If I could I would trade places with all of you in a heartbeat." My phone vibrates in my pocket. I never returned to class, Ms. Hale must have got worried and called the councilors. They probably panicked and called my aunt. I know her all too well, she will speed over to the bridge to see if I'm there. But I'm not. I should pick up, I should tell her where I am but I can't. She doesn't think that I would come here because of too many bad memories. She was right about the memories.

Minutes turn into hours. I stare at their graves. Breathing slowly. My breath forms in the air. In the distance, I hear a car coming. I should move or hide but I'm too tired. The wheels crushing against the road stops but the engine roars. Footsteps came closer and soon a hand falls onto my back.

"Hey, honey." Looking up I see Ms. Hale standing there with a gentle smile and sorrow filled eyes. "No one could find you," I nod, "They thought you ran away and killed yourself." I wish I had.

"I'm sorry." Her knees fall to the ground next to me and she pulls me closer.

"It's okay honey. I should have stopped you. The look in your eyes...I knew all too well." Warmth lingers around me as she puts her arm around me as an attempt to warm me up.

"I don't want to go back." My head falls to her shoulder but my eyes stay locked to the graves as do hers, "It will be okay." I lightly shake my head.

"No, it won't. The moment I step through that doorway I will find my aunt bawling wrapped in my uncle's arms. They will run over to me and embrace me in a hug before taking me to Jessica. From there we will talk and she will either decide to send me away or that I will be under extreme supervision. I won't be okay." We sit in silence for a little longer before she looks at her phone. 6:03, "Come on, I've got to get you home." We walk to her car and she turns around taking me home.

The bed sinks under me. My uncle is on the phone with someone. Aunt May walks in after knocking.

"Hey, sweetie." I move over to let her lay next to me. We stare at the ceiling together. Planets and stars fill the dark ceiling. Before the incident, I would stay over every now and then. They decided to give me my own room. I got to decorate it however I wanted and to this day I wouldn't change a thing. She begins to softly laugh.

"Do you remember what you said after I asked you why you wanted the ceiling to look like space." Shaking my head she grabs my hand. Technically I do but I wanted to hear her talk.

"You said that you wanted to be able to come somewhere where you were never truly trapped." I smile while resting my head on her shoulder.

"Does it still feel free to you?" For a moment I ponder on this. Do I really feel free when I hide in here?

"When I stare at it I feel like I am zooming throughout the universe. No worries or troubles. Just me and the universe." My room was filled with pictures of other places. Somewhere painted on the wall others were pictures. There were books that formed a maze to a different place.

"Is that how you feel when you look at these pictures or read these books?" I nod, "Is that why you left school?" I freeze, is that why I left school?

"I don't know why I left. I just had to." She squeezes my hand before sitting up. I stay flat just watching her, "You scared me."

"I know."

"I thought you killed yourself."

"I know." She lets out a deep sigh before looking down at me. "Am I going to see Jessica tomorrow?" We stare at each other for a moment. She nods. Her hand softly falls to my leg patting it. "Get some sleep. Okay?"

"Okay." I am left alone to attempt sleep.

My eyes fly open. I let the dream rerun through my head. Ms. Hale, she was in it. We were alone in the classroom at first. Next, we are under the blankets fucking hard. I was about to make her cum but I woke up. Damn the daylight. There is a gentle knock on my door. It sways open not giving me a chance to answer. "Morning sweetie."

"Morning May." She stands in the doorway hugging herself, "Jessica is after school. Your uncle called the school after you came home. You're not allowed to leave class." I nod understanding. If I were in her position I would do the same. I'm tired so I throw on some sweatpants, a baggy gray shirt, and a black hoodie. After I tie my shoes I grab my bag and wait in the car for her to come.

At school A comes running up to me throwing her arms around me. Her lips close to my ear. "You scared the shit out of me yesterday." Her arms drop to her sides as she backs away. "I'm sorry." We walk to my locker with eyes on me. Our voice's low. "Did everyone think I killed myself?" She hesitates to answer. "Yeah...I wanted to go look for you right away but they wouldn't let me leave. You can't do that to me Abs. You just can't." Her voice is more hurt than pissed. We move to class in silence. Throughout the day guilt just lingered with me.

We watch each other. "Why did you leave?" God this question again? I don't fucking know! "I don't know...I just had to...I felt like I had to." The chair softly moans as she leans forward. "Where did you go?"

"The cemetery."

"Why?"

"To apologize."

"For...?"

"For killing them. I told them that if I could switch places with them I would without hesitation."

"Do you want to die?" That is a trick question. I stare at her. "Sometimes."

"Have you thought about suicide?" I shut down. I am not answering that. If I do then this could go one of two ways. One, I get omitted to the hospital. Or two she 'believes' me. We stare at each other waiting for me to answer. "Abby, did you hear me?" I nod, "Are you going to answer?"

"If I answer that everything could change. By answering that question I could ruin more lives." Our eyes lock. "Abby, if you are thinking about suicide the best thing for you to do is tell me so I can get you help." I look down at my lap.

"Let's say I am thinking about suicide and I don't tell you. Then I try to kill myself and fail. People can be so mean to those who have failed. They can be so mean to those who consider it." She opens her mouth but I shake my head.

"I'm sorry...that was stupid. Somethings are meant to stay in my head."

"No, this is a place where you can tell me anything, without judgment."

"But you will tell my aunt, only stuff that I really don't want her to know but you feel like its one of those things that she should know for my safety." Her eyes travel to the clock as she lets out a long sigh.

"I'm sorry Abby, our time is up. I'll see you next week?" I nod, sure what could possibly happen in a week to make it so you won't see me.