Merfolk Mating Rituals Are Confusing

CH 6

Waking up with a pounding headache was never fun. It was even less fun when your last memory was of mouthing off to a giant, poisonous and venomous merman.

Twisting a little, you realize with a flinch that a pair of arms are around your waist, and another were wrapped around your legs. Some part of you nearly relaxes into it, long lost memories of a sweeter time cloying at the edges of your memory before it's shooed away a bitterness called reality, and those days were long gone, and who was holding you?

You have enough sense to carefully shuffle your legs instead of calling out, because you were no dumb, blonde, white girl in a horror movie. Since your legs don't brush against any fins, and there's a distinct absence of scales, or claws, or hell, even that general feeling of slickness that is practically synonymous with the mermen that harass you on a daily basis, you decide that some strangers have broken into your house and the only reasonable thing to do is scream.

So you do.

Well, you try to. People just love dragging you down when you try and do things, huh? As you suck in a breath to unleash the most unholy screech on this waste bin you called Earth, one of the hands around your waist slides up clamp over your mouth. "Easy, easy bella! It's just me! Siamo solo io e Tiziano."

As your rapid breathing slows, and all muscles in your body turn to butter, you nuzzle back against Tiz. Tiziano snickers, which makes your head bounce along with his chest. A certain snarky ginger snorts, squinting at his fiance. "Oh hush, Teets. If she screamed, you would have started screaming too."

That shuts him up, and turns the dark skinned man's wrath unto him.

"Squalo Accamondo, if you say another word, I will beat you." The minute you see Squalo get That Grin™, you decide it's time to stop their flirting before they start getting voyeuristic on you. Opening your mouth, and pooling as much saliva, you lick the fattest, grossest, slimiest streak that you can muster across Squalo's weathered palm. His eyes go wide, flick down to you in shock, then he wails like a drag queen who broke a nail. Tiz squawks, unable to see your mischief. "Lo?! Are y-"

"(Y/N) MOTHGERFUCKING MAIDRY. I WILL SLAUGHTER YOUR BLOODLINE, DESTORY YOUR CROPS, KICK YOUR FERRET AND RUN UP YOUR LIGHT BILL, YOU NASTY ASS THOT! OH MY GOD." You're howling, curled up practically on top of Tiz and cackling as Squalo storms off in a disgusted hurry. Tiziano sits up, staring after him in bemusement as his arms wrap around you. A fond sigh leaves him, and you really do attempt to look as innocent as possible when he huffs.

"Both of you are too much, you know that?" His brown eyes shift as you both hear Squalo scrub his hands free of your so-called, "Homophobic Germs". You had once countered that if your germs were homophobic, they wouldn't touch him, and both he and Tiziano has stated that, yeah, no. The phobic germs would become super germs and kill them in a heartbeat for their homo germs offending Germ Jesus.

You look up at Tiziano, shifting around to more comfortably straddle him as he continues to search the room for... Something. His eyes trail back to you, and he sighs like he didn't want to bring up whatever's on his mind. "But we do still have to talk about the elephant in the room..."

"More like, "The possibly murderous mer on the dock"." Squall's voice is sharp, yet still  playful, and you visibly wilt down a bit. Right, they had seen you under a visibly male mer, partially unconscious, and you had started screaming the second they touched you.

"... I really don't know what to say, Tizzy. I don't understand it all th-that well myself, but..." You grimace at how scratchy, and rough your voice sounds. Tiziano exhales through his nose like a bull; short, hard, and you think that if this was a cartoon, there'd be steam billowing across your face as some silly sound effect plays.