Nairobi Dreaming - Complete!

Chapter 19: Snacks and Gatorade

Atieno's car turned out to be a silver Mercedes SUV that looked like it could go off road if it wanted to. I've always prided myself on not paying enough attention to fancy cars to be able to reliably tell if some makes were pricier than others but I had a feeling this was high end, even for a Mercedes. James whistled through his teeth when he saw it.

"Damn nice car," He said.

Atieno popped the trunk and James tossed his backpack in. I paused as I positioned my luggage, peering into the car, impressed by just how roomy it was. The cream leather and chrome interior looked new or at least so spotless it might as well have been.

I had been hoping Kay would have come out to say goodbye but she was nowhere to be seen. Instead, we got Abigail, standing there with as much ease as a statue, her hands resting on her daughters' shoulders, looking like a stepford housewife, the smile on her lips wooden.

I wondered if Abigail thought that our late night bonding had smoothed over everything that had happened between us. I was terrified she would try to hug me goodbye and that I would either have to awkwardly decline or stand there and endure being that close to someone I loathed.

Essie broke free from her mother and sister and bounded forward, wrapping her arms around me with the force and enthusiasm of a golden retriever. "Please don't go," She said. "I don't think my mom wants you to go anymore."

"I need to go," I said softly, "Just for me."

"Maybe I'll see you again?" Essie said.

"You never know," I said, because that seemed like the most honest thing I could say in that moment even if the truth was closer to "probably not".
She gave James a shy wave, her fingers curled forward like she couldn't risk extending her fingers into the full gesture, and I realized that to her James was a much older very handsome boy she probably had a crush on. Just looking at him directly in his pale green eyes for a half second made her whole face go red and she scurried back to the safety of the porch, star struck.

Abigail took a step forward, disengaging from her place by Tovah. Her hands were open, her arms wide and I interpreted this as a sign that my fears had been correct: she was going to try to hug me.

I took a step back and gave a short wave, stopping her in her tracks.

"See you," I said.

She nodded. "I wish you the best," She said, her tone saccharine, overdone, her eyes a little wet. "You too, James. I really mean that. I really, truly hope you can see me someday as your mother used to." She placed her hand over her heart. "As a friend."

James stared at her, his lips curling into something that was almost a grimace. "Right then," He said. "Shall we?"

A spasm of pain rippled across Abigail's right cheek but then disappeared and she waited there, just outside of the shade cast by the porch, squinting in the direct sun, until we had pulled away. From my seat in the front, next to Atieno, I craned my neck around, watching the beautiful house with its red clay tile roof, sparkling white walls, groomed bushes and groves of mango trees disappear until it was gone. I felt a profound sense of loss that I could not immediately pin to any one thing. There was the loss of my friendship with Kay but despite recent revelations it was still something I had wanted, perhaps for a very long time. There was the change in my plans and the loss of more time spent at the school. I had wanted to spend time with that one student, Awiti, again. I could see in her the spark I had seen in a few rare cases, that mix of intellect and indomitable will that I wanted nothing more than to nurture.

But even still, all these losses, none of them seemed to quite add up to the intensity of the feeling I was having, like I was leaving something of my heart behind in a place I knew I would never return to.