The Vampire's Dream

11: Deal

It's been a week since this feeling started, usually I start feeling better after a few days. Giovanni has barely spoken to me but hasn't left me alone in a room yet which I appreciate more than he could ever understand. It's like I'm here but he just ignores me and continues his life unless I say something to him. We have mostly been communicating through gestures, when I want to shower I grab a towel and some clothes and he understands, or if I want to eat I just walk to the kitchen and follows before cooking something for each of us. I know I need to start talking and function like a person again, I know it would help me feel better eventually, but it's so much work and I'm just not ready. Even the most basic two word conversations we have seem to drain my energy.

The last couple of days Giovanni paces all the time occasionally opening his mouth like he is going to speak but he never says a word. I knew what was coming, he doesn't understand. He has been patient, more so than I could ever ask of anyone but one can only be patient so long. I watched as Giovanni stopped pacing and turned to stare at me.

"Hey" Here it goes, he is going to get mad at me for being like this and not talking to him. I don't know what he thinks is going on but nobody understands.

"I'm sorry, I am trying." I didn't know how to stop this from coming but I was going to try.

"Don't apologize. I know you can't help it. I just wanted to say I think you are holding up great. I know you don't feel like having a conversation so I will talk and all you have to do is listen. I have been watching you very closely this past week and I know your have been trying to fight this silently. I also know that your mind has been a mix of dark and silence that you try to push away and cover with good thoughts. I can read your mind, and even though you can hide your subconscious thoughts from yourself, you can't hide them from me. You have gotten so used to hiding it from yourself that you really don't know what those bad thoughts really consist of, but I do. Your mind has been a very dark place this past week and it hurts me to see you like this. I know sometimes I don't show it but I care about you and I want to help you but I also know that the way you think will help you and what will actually work are two different things. I tried to leave you alone and give you space to 'recharge your social and emotional batteries' as you like to phrase it, but the best way for you to get better is to be around someone who will talk to you all the time and not get mad and leave because your lack or response. I am going to stay by your side like you want, but I'm not going to be silent anymore. I am done leaving you be. We are going to go on walks around the house in the afternoon, we are going to go to bed and actually go to sleep before two in the morning. Then we will get up at a decent hour and play board games or card games or read books. We are going to get you feeling better, and we are starting today. Sebastian will be here tomorrow so we have to make at least a little progress today."

I didn't really know what to say, he just admitted that he could read minds and that he had seen or heard everything in my head, even things that I didn't know of. I was terrified by the thought of that, I know some if the things that go through my mind and those were bad enough, I didn't even want to think of what my mind hid from itself. On the other hand, he understood what I was dealing with... or at least trying to. He knew what I was feeling and that is why he has been so great this past week.

"Thank you, I like knowing I have helped somewhat. But that doesn't mean that I am going to continue to leave you alone. I know you don't feel like talking right now, but by dinner tonight I expect to have a full conversation even if you don't emotionally react. If I say something and you don't feel like smiling then don't, but I still want you to talk. Think of it like a phone call. You don't have to make yourself look happy, just reply."

"Stop doing that." I gave him a pointed look but I realized that might have sounded rude so I added a quiet please on the end of it.

"That was a good start and it wasn't rude." I guess he saw my face because he instantly apologized. "Right, sorry. I won't read your mind anymore unless I feel the need to. If you don't start communicating with words then I will continue to read your mind to figure out what you want. Deal?"