newspaper ad reads:
STOLEN HEART PLEASE RETURN TO OWNER IF FOUND, REWARD VARIES
[to read more please go page 6 of the 'Entertainment - local news' section]
(continued from page 1)
hello fuckers, listen i'm not here to make friends or some shit i just want my heart back. i want it back because it's mine and because i don't need a better reason.
reward: nothing its mine
[updated 2.02.20]
actually - maybe i do, so fine. i need my heart because it's important to me. it's kind of necessary for living, y'know? does all that circulatory and give/take carbon dioxide shit that i didn't pay attention to in seventh grade. look, just give it back. it has my name in the first chamber, jam your finger around the way every clumsy teen boy does. don't bother getting lube - don't have to romance it or make it feel loved - just slam that sucker in and pull out the tag. it is my property. responds to 'fuckface' or 'little shit' or 'annie' when i'm in a good mood.
reward is a back of skittles but only the red and yellow ones.
[updated 2.15.20]
look i'm sorry if i offended you guys but give her back. she doesn't ask for much but she gets lonely sometimes. just tell me she's safe. she can get a little anxious when she's around strangers, she can start shaking and making small whimpering noises that sound like a dog desperately wanting to be pet - or needing to go outside to take a shit. she kinda sounds like both honestly. annie needs to be calmed down. she's just a baby. she needs to be held. pat her on her aorta, sometimes the extra thump helps restart her when she forgets she exists. she's ditzy that way, never really knows when she is supposed to do something but she tries.
reward is $3, and the pennies i find at the bottom of the drawer.
[updated 2.24.20]
can you just tell me if she is okay? can you put her on the phone so she can hear my voice? listen fuckers it's not easy asking for help, if you want money you should have robbed elon musk or some shit - i don't have any. just let me see the little shit again, she's important. i'm forgetting how to breathe without her.
reward $10
[updated 3.02.20]
annie? come back. come back come back
[updated 3.10.20]
fuck you then, see if i care.
[updated 3.11.20]
you know it's very rude to leave someone on read. i don't care if it's through a newspaper shit still hurts.
[updated 3.28.20]
rewards: i'll fight the sky for her. i'll finally add 'QUEER' to my instagram bio and face the homophobic remarks from old friends. i'll tell the boy i used to love that he ruined us both - that he never gave her a warning and pressed his green eyes into her arteries, singed his sharp canines into her aorta, licked her splitting muscle and cupped my cheek before walking into someone else's arms. i'll give all the lucky pennies i've wished upon, give all my broken pens and covered fingers splotched in ink, the lead pencils that have stuck-on, run-down erasers, the feeling of the sun warming my skin tinging it yellow. i will forfeit my worn out sweater with its long sleeves and soft knitting, kiss goodbye the pictures of friends i've lost the numbers of but still remember every time i drink their favorite tea, erase the memories of long summers floating in water with the gentle feel of my hair billowing as a cloud of blackberry juice. i'll give up the dreams where i touch the sky. forget the way watermelon drips sweet and cold down my chin, floods my mouth, refreshes and chills my insides. forget the smell of coffee as it's warmth hits the back of my throat, breathes fire into my eyes, caresses my eyebags. i'll give her the chance to love without me holding her with clenched bloody fists and bared teeth. i'll give you the chance to escape when i am too rough too harsh too much and not enough. but come back. please.
