The Switch Hitter (GxG)

Chapter 12

"Ari?" I whispered, "what--"

"Shhh," she said, pressing her finger to my lips to enforce the command. I did so, watching as she bit her lip, her eyes flickering up and down my body. She took a step closer to me, bringing our faces within an inch of each others'. I could hear her breathing as she brought her mouth to my ear, whispering, "You're finally all mine," and suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

I smashed my lips onto hers, fireworks exploding in my chest. She leaned into me, pressing my back against the wall as she held my face in her soft hands. I grabbed her hips, pulling her closer. Our mouths moved in cohesion, but soon I felt her lips travel from mine onto my neck, and I emitted a low moan as she kissed underneath my jaw. Her hands began moving slowly from my face down my sides, my skin burning under her gentle touch. They stopped at my waist, teasing at the clasp of my jeans. 

She stopped for a breath and I took the chance, spinning her around, putting her against the wall. I planted kisses along her jaw, trailing down her neck to her collar bone. She gasped as I sucked slightly. I knew I would probably leave a hickey but I didn't care. She was finally giving me a chance, and nothing else mattered.

I moved my lips up to her earlobe. "That's where you're wrong,"  I muttered. 

Her eyes met mine, a little confused, and I kissed her lips passionately before I continued. 

"You're all mine."

Her eyes widened slightly but I didn't let her reply. I sealed her lips with mine once more, my hands now advancing along her back, down to the edge of her shirt. I began tugging it upwards. I couldn't help but feel a small bit of triumph. It was happening. It was finally--

"Soph why the hell are you sleeping? It's five in the afternoon!"

I started, pulling my head off my desk. My heart was pounding in my chest. "W-what?"

Anna was standing in my door, still in her scrubs from work. "You were asleep."

"I know, I know, why'd you have to wake me up?" I asked, frustrated.

She raised an eyebrow. "Were you having a good dream?"

I gave her a weird look. "No," I lied.

Smirking, she said, "Well it sure sounded like one."

My face burned, and I was sure my cheeks were bright red. "What did you hear?"

"Nothing," she replied, shrugging her shoulders. I exhaled, relieved. Anna turned to leave, then suddenly stopped. 

"Who's Ari?"

Well, shit. 

"N-no one," I stuttered.

"She didn't sound like no one."

"Well she is," I said firmly, more in control of myself now.

She raised her hands in a gesture of surrender. "Fine, she's no one. Whatever you say." But she continued to eye me curiously. I turned back around, pulling up Amazon again. I had given up on Christmas gifts for right now, and I wanted to look for a new pair of vans. I scrolled through countless pages, getting lost online once more. While I did, I could still feel Anna's eyes on the back of my head. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. I turned back around in my chair. "Can I help you?"

"She's straight isn't she?"

I sighed. How did she do that? "I told you, she's nobody."

"You have a crush on a straight girl, don't you?" 

Rolling my eyes, I ignored her. 

"You do," she said, a smile breaking across her face. "You've got a crush."

"For God's sake, what is it with everyone?" I snapped angrily. "I don't have a crush, I don't have feelings. She. Is. Nobody."

"If you say so."

"God, you're infuriating," I growled.

She eyed me dubiously. "Am I? Or am I just telling you a truth you don't want to hear?"

I glared at her. "What if we didn't do this now?"

"Then you'd just be putting off facing it. You're scared of feelings and you're scared of relationships. You always have been."

I scoffed. "I'm not scared of anything. I don't catch feelings."

Snorting derisively, she turned to leave. "Keep lying to yourself all you want. Even though I've never seen you around this Ari, I know you've been different lately. You're straightening out your grades, you're more focused, you actually want to do stuff. Something about this girl brings out the good in you, and that's not something that happens often. You just don't know it yet."

Something in her words made me hesitate. "You really think so?"

She nodded. "Yes. Trust me. I've been wondering what it is, but if I'm being honest I never thought it would be a girl." She smiled slightly, showing me she was teasing.

I thought about what she had said. Did Ari bring out the best in me? I was always trying to impress her, be it consciously or otherwise. Maybe that was the reason I had tried to turn my grades around, and that had to be the reason I was trying extra hard at softball now. I wanted her to see the best me. But at the same time, I felt a strange desire to tell her about my past, about how damaged I really was. I had never felt such a need to be so vulnerable for someone. Part of me knew she wouldn't really care, simply because no one truly did. They just wanted you to hear their story. Yet another part hoped that she did. Trouble was, I didn't know which part had the right of it.

But while I was just feeling a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, Ari would reciprocate, I remembered one key detail.

"Well I guess it doesn't matter, because you were right."

She looked confused, so I elaborated. 

"She is straight."

I saw her eyes widen a little, saw the sympathy emerge, watched her open her mouth to speak, to comfort me, to help me retain some piece of hope, but I just turned away. I felt miserable all of the sudden, and for the first time in a long time, tears were burning in my eyes. Anna, seeing me hunched over my desk, cut off her words and shut my bedroom door, leaving me in peace, which I was extremely grateful for. Even though we would fight a lot, she still knew me best, and she knew when I needed space the most.

And I really needed it right now.

I buried my head in my arms once more, but this time I was wide awake. Could Ari tell how she made me feel? Just thinking about her started a roller coaster of emotions. One minute I was captivated thinking about how beautiful she was, the next I was confused, wondering if she was feeling as strongly towards me as I was towards her. After that I would be terrified of that same attraction, then I'd be dejected, knowing that she was straight, and she couldn't possibly feel the same way.

It was confusing, it was dizzying, it was terrifying. But I couldn't get off. Subconsciously, I loved what she made me feel. I loved that she was constantly on my mind. And the fact that it felt so forbidden, solely because she was straight, made her even more irresistible.

I always wanted what I couldn't have.