Sissy Boy (ManxBoyxBoy) ⎰⛑⎰

51. ιинιвιтισи

~The way you're looking at me makes butterflies swimming in my stomach. This feels so new, and different.~

A S H T O N

I was sitting on the couch, about thirty minutes after Blake had left the house to go to the doctors appointment, when Puzzle woke up. He came down the stairs, his eyes red and his hair a mess on his head. He obviously had already smoked up before he came down here, definitely so he'd be able to eat like crazy. He was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and a loose black tee shirt just hanging loosely off him. He looked tired, and I contemplated on whether or not he really felt like hanging out.

"Hey Ash, hungry?" He asked, and I shrugged a bit.

"I could eat, I guess. Not nearly as hungry as you I'd bet," I teased him and he laughed and shook his head.

"You can go on up and smoke. I'll just fix some food and join you. Help yourself, you know how to do it by now, right?" He asked, and I nodded. I was a little nervous, honestly, because all this time, any time I smoked Puzzle had been there to show me what to do. While I was sure that I knew what I was doing in front of him, I didn't know much about what I was doing in general. He'd always done the main part of my smoking for me, really.

He'd always packed my bowl, lit it for me, and grinded up the stuff that I smoked. I wasn't sure really how to do all that stuff by myself. How do you light it without burning yourself? I've never had an easy time with lighters. "I can?" I asked, and he nodded.

"I have faith that you can pack and smoke a bowl all by yourself. You'll be fine." He said, and patted me on the shoulder. "How does hamburger helper sound?" He asked. I nodded and he smiled. "Now go! You must grow, caterpillar." he said, and I walked towards his room. I walked into his room and sat down on the bed. His room was pretty dark at the moment, his bedside lamp the only light in the room. I crawled over the bed to the edge where I was sitting in front of the window.

Puzzle smoked here in front of the back window in his room, I guess to keep the smell from permeating the house, and because the trees are pretty to look at lining the sky. Though at this time it's getting dark, and the shadows cast from the trees to the yard giving it a slightly creepy look to it. I reached over onto the night stand and grabbed the pipe and the grinder, before looking down at the pipe and realizing that there was a bowl already packed in the pipe. I sighed and shook my head. He probably forgot that he packed a bowl, and just didn't smoke it. I could see him getting really high and doing that, honestly.

I grabbed the lighter, and played with it a minute. I was trying to get comfortable using the lighter, because I hadn't been too great at using one, ever. I put the pipe up to my lips and turned it slightly sideways so that the bowl would (possibly) be easier to light by myself. I flicked the lighter and it was really bright and as I brought it closer to the pipe, I could feel the heat wave off of the flame like it was warning me.

I took it out of my mouth, and sighed, then put it back in and lit the lighter again, this time bringing the lighter up to where the bowl was and successfully lighting it. I quickly let go of the button so the flame went out and sat the lighter down in the windowsill, inhaling the smoke from the pipe in a quick and decidedly fearless motion. I choked on small inhalations, I'd usually never suck in that much... but no one was here to see me and laugh.

I coughed a little bit, but nothing too bad. Puzzle definitely couldn't hear me from the kitchen. I felt relieved that I wasn't being watched. I feel really on edge sometimes because everyone is watching me. I know that they do it because they care, but sometimes it can be a bit daunting. Today had been a great day, though. I felt so close to Blake and that hadn't happened in a long time. I had always felt out of kilter with him, somehow... Like we were too platonic and that wasn't how I wanted it with him. With Blake, he's sexually charged and god, I'm addicted to the way his skin feels against mine. I love it so much. I love the way we are now. I love the honesty between us, and how I feel like I can trust him again. I love that I feel safe, again.