YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT // Kurt Cobain

Chapter 8

And then I mentally facepalmed. Fucking idiot. "It's really you into me"? God, I was never going to get high ever again. But Kurt didn't even laugh at the unintentional sexual joke I made like he usually did, he just stood there, his face resting in a permanent scowl.

"You're fucking impossible. To think I even thought about signing you," Kurt retreated, turning on his right foot and started to walk away from me. But that was not alright in my book, so I grabbed his wrist and twisted his ass back around.

"What did I do to you?!" I yelled. "What have I done? Because the night before obviously did something to make you think differently of me."

"It wasn't anything you've done, it's just--" Kurt started, but I interrupted.

"Ohhhhh it's about Greg? Let me tell you something, Kurt. Greg will always be my priority. We've known each other since high school. I love him like a brother. He has always had my back and seemingly always has a perfect sense of instinct, which I'm pretty sure he was right about you." Feeling confident in what I had said, I took the opportunity to walk away from him, the snarky bastard, I was supposed to be the one walking away.

"What did he say about me?" I heard Kurt squeak out. For the love of God. I turned back around.

"Do you have any fucking brain cells? You're all over me one second, the next you're running out of the hotel room because you're too afraid to confront your feelings! That's fucking dumb. And to blame me for it is insane within itself. Come back when you're not going to be a jealous asshole." I walked away, once and for all, leaving Kurt dumbfounded and alone. And I was going to get myself some goddamn salt and vinegar chips.

---

"Alright guys, I know you're here for a rock concert, and I will hold true to my word, but we're gonna change things up a bit as we do a newer song that we haven't released yet." The crowd cheered, and one girl in the back screamed "FUCK YEAH NEW MUSIC!" into the silence once the applause had died down. I laughed, took a drink of my water, and looked at Greg. "This one's called Familiar."

(Yes, this is my original song, and this is me singing)

I walked off stage, and I felt Kurt's hand brush mine. I wanted to hold it, feel it against my face, go back to the gravel parking lot. But I couldn't, so I swatted his hand away. I didn't look back as he walked onto stage with his guitar, looking like a whole wreck as he nearly broke the mic stand without even touching it. He was angry, I could tell. He took a joint from one of the audience members, inhaling it like a vacuum cleaner and letting sparks fly onto the floor.

"Hey, we--we're Nirvana, and I'm fucking pissed right now so I'm not gonna do a speech, let's just get this shit started." Kurt murmured into the microphone, gaining some feedback in the monitors. He started strumming the chords to School, and the crowd went wild. I grabbed a bottle of vodka from the table backstage and chugged it. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care, but I did, and it was ruining me.

Three songs in, Kurt was fully mentally gone, forgetting the lyrics to his songs and twisted his ankle trying to jump into the drum set, which Dave was pissed about having to reassemble. Kurt grabbed the mic from its stand, and started pacing back and forth on stage like a psychopath.

"Last song, everyone. If you've ever gotten betrayed by someone, like I have recently by a beautiful fucking girl, we're gonna shout this out right now! Repeat after me if you feel ever so compelled!..." He put the microphone back on the stand and screamed into it with the most guttural screams I had heard in my life, "Fuck you!" The audience yelled it back at him. "Fuck you!" Again. "Even though the word has totally lost its meaning! Fuck you! This song's called Love Buzz." Kurt signaled to Krist as he did the bass progression to Love Buzz, and the audience went crazy, but my head was swarming with guilt. I caused him to go off the deep end. It was all because of me that he was acting like this.

Halfway through the song, he screamed out a string of curses. Within a split second, he had whipped his guitar off of his shoulder and heaved it upward before smashing it onto the ground. His screams were now inaudible due to the fact that he was no longer near the microphone, but he was scary. And not like the kind of scary I usually saw him as. Like intimidating and dangerous.

I felt tears forming in my eyes, and I tried to blink them away, but instead, I blinked them out so they were streaming down my face when Kurt stumbled off stage carried by Dave and Krist, screaming "The audio quality sounded like shit anyway!"

He was finally able to stand up by himself after a few minutes of deep breathing guided by Dave, and caught a glimpse of me crying against the wall out of the corner of his eye. He rushed over, trying to calm me down, but that just made it worse as he reeked of sweat, weed and booze.

"I'm gonna try and say what I wanna say," Kurt panted, leaning an arm onto the wall behind me for support. "I'm sorry. I've been incredibly fucking petty, you don't deserve me, you deserve so much better than me, I don't deserve to be alive--"

"Of course you deserve to be alive! Yeah, you've been an asshole, but that doesn't exclude you from the privilege of life! Please believe that!" I cut him off as he broke, grasping onto me for dear life. I comforted him as he cried the alcohol out of his system. Once he calmed down again, he pulled away and apologized for crying before asking, "Can I at least take you out on one date? One."

Jesus Christ.