The Rise of Lydia Rowe ↠ Jasper Hale (ON HOLD)

[2.21] promises

"LYDIA?" 

The way he said her name was like he was trying convince himself she was actually there and not just a figment of his imagination—the same way Lydia was trying to convince herself he was really there.

"Hi," Lydia breathed, not quite sure what else to say. 

Jasper looked at her like he was trying to memorize every single detail of her face. "You died," he whispered. "Your heart stopped beating." 

Lydia swallowed, hating how sad his eyes looked, and hating even more the irrational guilt she felt at the sight. "It's beating now." 

Jasper met her eyes, and all of the feelings Lydia had tried to suppress or ignore came rushing back in a flood. It was a blessing he couldn't read her emotions anymore. 

"How?" he asked her. 

Lydia sighed, opening her door wider. "It's a long story. You should come in." 

After a moment of hesitation, Jasper stepped into the house. Lydia closed the door behind him, then walked back into the living room, gesturing for him to follow. He did so immediately, sitting down on the loveseat as Lydia returned to her abandoned seat on the couch. 

"Did your family tell you anything about what happened to me?" she asked quietly, needing to know where to start. 

Jasper shook his head slightly. "Only that you're alive," he murmured. 

Lydia nodded. She sighed as she tried to figure out how to best explain everything that had happened during his and the rest of the Cullens' absence in her life. "Okay, I guess I should start with the beginning—about three months after you all left." 

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Jasper was silent for a few solid moments after Lydia finished explaining everything to him. Her transformation, her abilities, her uncle's arrival and then departure, her kind's history. It all felt very clinical and safe—no talk of emotions or feelings or love that still lingered between them, though the latter may have just been her.  

She didn't mention the fact that phoenixes typically fell in love once; how her ancestor had lost her love and was never the same, and how Lydia could understand Juliette's grief better than most; or the way her heart still fluttered pathetically whenever she looked at him. She knew the latter he could probably hear, though he didn't comment, thankfully.

"I didn't... I didn't know that was possible," he finally murmured after the silence dragged on a little too long. 

"No one did, really," she said quietly. "Not until it happened." 

Jasper nodded slowly. "And now you're... immortal. Like us." 

"Yeah," Lydia whispered. 

"Are you okay?" 

Lydia couldn't help the tiny smile that tugged at her lips. "You just found out I died and then came back to life after thinking I was completely dead for months, and you're asking me if I'm okay?" she quipped, remembering a similar conversation they'd had in a hospital in Phoenix what felt like a lifetime ago. 

She saw his lips twitch with a smile, though his face remained mostly stoic. "Are you?" 

Lydia bit her lip, considering the question. "I'd thought about it before," she murmured. "Being immortal. But I always thought... I always thought I'd have a choice in it. Even if I would have chosen it in the end, not getting the option... It's a little jarring." 

Jasper nodded slightly in understanding. His mortality had been stolen from him, too, like so many of his and Lydia's kinds.  

"When Alice had her vision," Jasper said softly, "of you dying, I didn't know what to do. I thought if I could get to you in time, I could—I don't know, say goodbye? See you one last time? Maybe even... save you. And then when I got there, you were... you were already gone, and I... I didn't know how to go on." He looked down at his hands, as if he couldn't meet her eyes. "I couldn't be around my family, not when they were mourning you, too, so I went off on my own. I thought if I stayed away from other people, it wouldn't hurt as much, but when I ran into old friends, I thought maybe I could focus on their emotions instead of my own... But then they started worrying about me, and then Rosalie and Emmett found me, and I..." He finally looked up at her, his eyes a dark gold as they bore into her own. "I never thought I would see you again." 

"I didn't know if I'd see you again, either," she murmured. "When you and the rest of your family left, you... You have to understand, you broke my heart, Jasper. You... it's like you tore out a piece of it and took it with you when you disappeared. And I'll never get that piece back." 

Jasper looked back down at his hands, a look of shame and regret on his face. "I thought I was protecting you," he murmured. "After what happened at Bella's party, I... I couldn't risk that happening again. None of us could. If I hurt her, or hurt you, I... I wouldn't be able to live with myself, Lydia." 

"I know," she whispered. "I know why you left, and as much as I hate it, I know your heart was in the right place. But you won't hurt me, Jasper—I knew it then and I still know it now." 

"It was stupid of me," he said quietly. "Of all of us, to leave you and Bella so abruptly. It was cruel, and it stupid of us to leave you here without any protection. Not with Victoria and Laurent still out there. But we're here now. I'm not... I'll stay. If you want me to. And if you want me to leave—want me to never speak to you again, I'll... I'll do that, too." 

"That isn't what I want," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. She swallowed hard against the lump trying to form in her throat, pushing it away before her eyes started to water with tears. "I want to hate you," she murmured. "I should hate you. You gave up on us. You left—and I know you had good reasons for doing it, but I should still hate you." She stared at her lap, closing her eyes for a long moment before opening them again and looking up at Jasper, who was already looking back at her. "But I can't. You're it for me, Jasper." 

His eyes were a mixture of pain and longing as he stared at her. He stayed silent, as if sensing she wasn't through. 

"My kind only fall in love once," she said softly. "My ancestor, she... She lost her mate centuries ago, and it broke her. I don't want that to be me. Not if we still have a chance." She stood up, watching him do the same. She reached for his hand, feeling world settle in place as he took hers gently, their fingers entwining with each other. "If we're going to try this again, we can't just go back to where we were before you left. Not yet. But I want to try. And who knows—maybe this time, we'll be better." 

Jasper squeezed her hand gently, a look of pure relief and love in his eyes. It was almost overwhelming, but Lydia felt the same, no matter how much she might have denied it. 

She still loved him. 

She would love him forever. And now, for her, forever was forever. 

"I'll spend the rest of my life trying to earn your forgiveness," he murmured, his voice a promise. 

"You don't have to," Lydia murmured. "I forgave you a long time ago." 

"I'll still do it," he whispered. "I'll spend every second of eternity trying to make up for breaking your heart." 

Lydia bit her lip, looking up at the man she loved. He looked just the same, but she knew they had both grown during their separation. They weren't the same people they were when they fell in love, but the love was still there, still strong and heady and inescapable. 

"That's a pretty tall order," she murmured. 

"You might have forgiven me, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself," he whispered. "I never wanted to hurt you, Lydia, not in a million years. And I still managed to find a way. I don't know how I'll ever be able to forgive myself for hurting you." 

Lydia looked him in the eye, making sure he met her gaze. "We have plenty of time," she murmured, smiling slightly. "Forever, actually. You'll find a way." 

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[author's note: ah, the reunion. i'm not sure how y'all are going to like this, but this is how lydia & jasper's reunion would go. maybe you guys wanted her to be angry that he left (which, trust me, she's not happy about it) but that's not the kind of person lydia is. she's forgiving to a fault, and she doesn't like to hold grudges (unless someone purposefully hurts her, obviously). hope you guys aren't disappointed with how their reunion went.

i know this is super short so i'm posting it w/ the next chapter so it's a double update. hope you guys enjoyed!]