Oh How Times Have Changed

XXI

"Got it, but you're telling us everything later." Mary grinned, jumping out of the car as I parked outside school.

I locked up the car and jogged to first period, stepping inside just after the bell. The teacher shook her head at me, but let it slide. I slipped into my seat and noticed the teacher was handing out report cards. I bit my lip- mock results were out.

I was passed my envelope and I tore it open, pulling out the slip of paper. I breathed a sigh of relief, seeing I had gotten all A*'s. The teacher sent me a soft smile, going back to her desk. Guess I could rest easy. I wonder how Jimmy did.

The day went by pretty uneventfully, I hadn't seen any goons. At lunch I headed to Daxx's office, having collected us some lunch, per usual. He greeted me with a smile, gesturing for me to sit down. I plopped into my usual comfortable arm chair and dug into lunch.

"Andy, would you care to explain why I bumped into Jimmy Wellot in his underwear on our driveway this morning." Daxx asked, biting into his sandwich casually.

"He must have been in Angel's room. Gross." I laughed nervously, avoiding his gaze.

"Don't bullshit me, Andy. You and I both know that the boy's as gay as it comes. I'm his therapist, I should know." Daxx laughed, shaking his head, "What was he doing?"

I bit my lip, looking at the floor. I knew I could trust Daxx, but I didn't exactly want to tell him about this. Like he had said, he was Jimmy's therapist. It was a conflict of interests for me to be involved with one of his patients; It might fuck up Jimmy's therapy. I couldn't exactly lie when he had all the evidence he needed, though.

"We weren't doing anything, I promise." I'm pretty sure my lip was bleeding now from how much I was nibbling it.

"I believe you. I just think you should be careful. That kid has a lot going on- I can't tell you anything more than that, but just keep that in mind. It's not going to be smooth sailing, if you guys are serious." Daxx shrugged, taking a sip of his drink.

I nodded- I wonder what's going on with him. He was such a mystery to figure out, something new was always popping up or changing. I pulled out my report, to change the topic away from Jimmy Wellot. Daxx looked it over, beaming.

"Wow. I'm so proud, kid." Daxx smiled at me, giving me a half hug.

I finished up our lunch and left, still feeling pretty awkward. I think Daxx was just relieved I was sneaking boys in, rather than sneaking out with boys- which is what he did. I made my way to my next class, willing the rest of the day away.

I was on my way there when I heard yelling from round a corner. I snuck up to the turning, hiding behind a locker and peeking over at what was happening. I saw a few of the goons up in Jimmy's face, looking as if they had just finished a heated argument. I furrowed my eyebrows and kept watching.

"You shouldn't hang out with that thing." One of the goons spat, "You seemed real buddy, buddy with him at the weekend. What are you? Gay? Are you a faggot?"

I cringed, not sure what to do. I could run over to help, but I'm pretty sure that'll just make matters worse. If I walk over now, they're going to think everything they're saying is correct. I'd keep watching, but if it got physical I'd have to step in.

"I think your girlfriend could vouch for my sexuality." Jimmy smirked, making the goon huff hot air aggressively, "I keep telling you. I hate him- he's disgusting. So watch your mouth, before I fuck you up for saying fucked up shit like that."

I bit my lip. I know he was just doing it to get them off his back, but it still hurt. I shook those feelings off- I knew it was going to be like this. It's not his fault that they'll beat up anyone who even associates with me. The guy snarled at him, pushing past him with his shoulder and walking off.

Jimmy stayed stood there, watching the guy retreat even after he was long out of sight. I stepped out of my hiding place, walking up to him with concern. Something like that must have shaken him- hearing that word being directed towards you wasn't easy. It stings like a bitch.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked softly, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Get the fuck away from me." He snarled, pushing me to the floor, "Everything was a fucking mistake. I don't know what I was thinking, leave me alone. Don't talk to me."

I looked up at him, tears welling in my eyes. He stormed off and I sat there, sniffling like a baby. I felt pathetic, but I also felt like deep down I had expected this. From the moment he kissed me, I felt like this was where I would end up. On the floor. Hurting.

I climbed off the floor, dusting off my jeans. I pulled out my phone, ringing Felix. He didn't answer, so he must be in class. I left school, disregarding my final lessons. It's not like I would have payed attention anyway. I climbed into my car and headed for the hills, pulling up at my usual spot.

I sat on the bonnet, looking out. I felt sick. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him, but I did because I thought he truly could change. Maybe Daxx was right- I didn't want to get caught up in this constant back and forth. I was only going to get my feelings hurt if he acted like he did last night one moment and then pushed me to the floor the next day.

I breathed in sharply, feeling the tears spill over again. Was it always going to be like this? Will didn't want me- Jimmy didn't want me. What happened to Jimmy saying the only thing he risked losing was me? What happened to 'working through it'? Were they all lies?

I wiped my tears and hopped down from my car, walking to the edge. My toes hung off the edge of the cliff, a few pebbles crumbling away and falling down the cliff side, hitting the ground below hard. I could see lights all the way to the horizon- they weren't very visible in the daylight, but they were still pretty. I felt my body fill up with hate for this town- I felt like screaming.

So, I screamed. I screamed until my heart was content. I hate this town. I can't wait to just leave. If University isn't better, I don't know what I'll do. I can't take feeling this way every single minute of every single day. I need it to get better. I need it to. Or...

I pushed those thoughts away, sitting on the edge. I let my feet dance, a rush of adrenaline pumping through me at the thought of the sheer drop below me. One wrong move and I could plummet to my death... Maybe they'd think it was an accident.

At that, I scooted away from the edge and headed back to my car.I didn't trust myself to stay on that edge any longer. 

I pulled into the drive, ignoring Connor asking me what was wrong. I didn't care that he knew I'd skipped class. I didn't care about the concern laced in his voice. I didn't care that he'd report back to Daxx and my mum. I just didn't care.

I kicked off my shoes, dropping my bag on the floor. I climbed into bed, too tired to take off my jeans. I pulled the duvet over my head and just stared at the darkness until squiggles filled the space, my eyes stinging. I heard my phone ring, but I ignored it. I heard my bedroom door open, Connor peeking in. After a while, he closed it again silently. He probably thought it was better to give me some space.

My mind was racing, but I felt empty. I just felt like running. I wanted to leave this town. I didn't want to be here anymore. Standing on the cliff edge like that had made me feel claustrophobic. That might sound dumb, since I was outside, but I felt like everything was closing in on me very fast. This town was suffocating me with people who hated me- a long list of people who wouldn't think twice if I had just jumped.