15 Simple Stories

See You in Sunrise

I know I shouldn't be pissy about you not being around sometimes but when I catch you popping wheelies with unfamiliar faces when we're supposed to ride our skateboards throughout the neighborhood, it rips me apart inside.

You approach me on days when you're suddenly free and you ask me if I'm upset with you but I say I'm not which is true. That's because I'm upset with myself.

I don't only do it with you because my sister doesn't call me when she claims she will and when she finally does, half the time we spend over the phone is listening to her apologize.

"You honestly don't have to skateboard with me, that's fine", I tell you over milkshakes and fries in the outdoor seating area of Cherie's, the skater and bicyclist fast food paradise.

And you tell me that "it's totally wrong of you to ditch me without telling you but it's not on purpose" which is also true.

You tell the truth to a fault about anything and everything.

You tell me you don't hang at Cherie's when you're with your other friends because one of them has an ex-boyfriend who works here. I'm guessing it's the cashier with the face tattoos and saggy pants who reeks of dollar-store cologne and probably brushes his teeth with chewing tobacco.

You tell me that while you do agree that Valentine's Day is some commercialized disaster made to help empty-headed boyfriends make up for being idiots the other 364 days and to sell flowers and chocolate, you think your empty-headed boyfriend makes it tolerable.

You tell me that Sunrise Park is a better skating/BMX scene at night and that's when you prefer to go which is the only time your other friends want to go.

You tell them it would be understandable if I hate you for not being as present as you could be but I know I can't hate you and anyone who does probably doesn't have a valid reason.

It's this truth that has me feeling guilty for missing you to the point of shoving you and others away.

I know I can't say "I'll see you in Sunrise" like I used to and expect it you to be available every single time. Life never has and never will work that way.

I know I can't say that Cherie's is better alone because I'm sure there's some scientific research showing somewhere that eating food alone makes it taste worse. Strangely enough, it does taste worse alone.

Everything feels worse alone and I've been holding that from my sister and you and everyone else as if it's a world-shattering secret when it doesn't actually matter to anyone but me.

Maybe it does matter to you but when we hang out, I can't tell since you're bubbly and lovable as always.

When we hang out, you're considerably cool as you are with or without me but cooler when you introduce me to your other friends and invite me to hang out with them.

I decline the offer because I've successfully drilled the idea of them disliking to me in my head and I haven't gotten to know any of them.

I tell you one time that I'll head to Sunrise Park at night and I'll meet them there but my poker face can't avoid your super-bullshit scanner.

You know I'm terrified of being judged and you let me know they aren't those types of people.

"Don't let their devil-may-care attitudes scare you off. They're really funny and really sweet when you get to know them", you smile and nudge when we're on the stairs at my place because the cashier at Cherie's is your boyfriend now.

I tell you he would be kind of cute if he cut his hair a few inches shorter, got rid of the God-awful cologne and stopped chewing tobacco and you laugh because you feel the same way but you know it's not that simple.