Blasphemous Relations

Seven - Even if I wanted to

A/N: Guys!  I don't even know what to say. Please be patient with my babies, we are building a foundation here. And writer's block is kicking my ass. Does anyone want to shadow write for me?  No? Okay fine. Anyways. Like. Comment. Subscribe. 

Now, onto the chapter. 

XENOS' POV

"Belt around the waist, not the neck, Xenos." I reminded myself softly as I stared my full length mirror. I laughed sardonically, "You're kidding! You're kidding! You don't actually want to kill yourself... no matter what the psychiatrist says."

I sighed, turning to view my physique more clearly. Do I look thinner? Will people notice my self imposed fasting? I'm still kind of thick, right? No matter, I've always maintained a slender build.

I shouldn't be going anywhere, that's the truth. I just want to crawl into bed and lay there until I feel better.

"You promised Damien you'd be there. It's too late to back out now, Bastard." I reminded myself, eyeing the light green knee-length shorts I had on. I swear they fit tighter a few weeks ago. Nevertheless, I had paired them with an easy black tee and a pair of black all stars. "Next time say no."

If there is a next time.

I eyed the serum filled vile on my bed anxiously. I should hide it. Silas has a bad habit of walking into my room unannounced since my first panic attack incident and as many times I've told him not to, he persistently goes through my things to make sure my shrink is delusional and I'm not trying to kill myself.

I'm not.

He is dramatic.

So I may have jumped off of my balcony during a panic attack once cause I just wanted something to force my lungs to take in air. That doesn't prove anything. I can basically fly – okay, not fly but I can easily propel myself into softer cushioning and I'm a freaking vampire. The fall would not have killed me.

He's dramatic.

I glanced at my reflection again insecurely. Maybe he wasn't so dramatic. My most recent change, something my psychiatrist described as symptomatic of my mental break, had me so worried. I hadn't seen anyone besides my parents and Silas since my first panic attack. Well there was Nia that one time but she didn't stay long because Silas was standing outside with a freaking timer and after 15 minutes, he demanded she leave and I rest.

Who would argue with the crown prince?

However, I had been the one to ban Blaise from my home and our territory and because I was the second in line to the 'throne', so to speak, our Head of Security didn't even question me. He just followed through and reported, via text, on Blaise's attempts to enter our land.

He probably came for Nia but I forbade it. If I couldn't be happy in my own fucking home because of them, then neither could they. They could continue their frolicking on the Tormenta Pack's land. Not on mine.

Okay, so Silas might have been right about my dark thoughts lately.

So the fuck what? I want to be selfish too! I just wanted to rest. And I can't do that when I know he's trying to fuck her under this roof.

So he'd have keep it in his pants or die trying. At this stage I wasn't opposed to the latter.

I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts. My future leader and brother Silas had been so dramatically protective of me. And that's why I made the decision to have the serum; just in case. I just need to know that I had options. That modicum of control calmed me. Some people had razors and I had... well, I had the serum.