at exactly 2:14 am, you messaged me.
at exactly 2:36 am, you're starting to act weird.
at exactly 2:40 am, you started asking such uncomfortable questions
at exactly 2:53 am, you suddenly showed me the thing I shouldnt see.
I was shocked, nervous and scared.
I tried to act cool because I know once you noticed that i'm afraid, you will use it against me.
I answered your questions carefully until maybe you realized that i'm not that kind of Woman you thought
I kept on thinking about that incident.
I was sleepless for nights and my mind was still in shocked. This wasnt the first time but it triggered my brain which caused me to remember all those men who disrespected and threatened me
Until I realized, Yes I'm not that kind of Woman but I was.
When I was in so much pain, I didnt care of what will happen to me.
If people ask me to sleep with them, I would definitely say yes.
Going home alone drunk became normal to me even though danger is out there. I became wild and unpredictable.
What if you came when my life was in chaos? What if you asked me to sleep with you when I was fucked up?
Damn. Isnt it?
With those thoughts In my mind, I decided to go back to the old me
For a day,
I tried to quit smoking
I tried to stop drinking beer
I tried to remember what was my mindset before shits happened to me
Coffee, Books and Art. Those were what kept me alive.
Beers and Cigarette. They became my comfort zones. They became my home but they're not where I belong to.
And yep, You. Unknown man. I hate to say this but Thank you. You helped me open my eyes and mind. But still, screw you. That kind of help is a bullshit. And I would never ask for it.
~ a thankyou-hate letter for a stranger
