The Mafia's Butterfly (Rewriting)

[23]

"Mind if I ask you what things you'll pick up from your house?" Clara asks and reaches over for the biscuit bag in my lap. I pass it over for her and smile again. Just thinking of those small trinkets and keepsakes make me think of my dad and the life we used to live. 

"It's not a lot. Just a few things that I kept which belonged to my dad and then one or two things of mine." I answer and stop moving when the bag of biscuits makes a lot of noise. I'd hate to wake Felix up because he really does look exhausted. I sigh in relief when Felix doesn't move and continues his snoring. 

"You've actually never mentioned your dad before, how come?" Clara asks then tells me that if I don't want to answer then I don't have too. I tell her that it's fine but thank her as well for being sweet and respecting if I had any boundaries in place.

"I don't mention him because he's dead." I answer bluntly and take another bite of the biscuit in my hand. I look up while munching and see their faces mirror shock at my tone. 

"I was fairly young when it happened but old enough to remember a lot about him." I continue when they don't speak up. Perhaps I was too blunt about it. Fair enough but at the same time, it happened and it felt like it was ages ago so I've already cried my tears and wallowed in grief. If anything I'm going to start crying over how much he's missed in my life. 

"I miss him a lot. He wouldn't want me crying though, he and mom would always tell us to stay strong for them." I whisper the last part out and sigh heavily. Life really was good back then and I can easily say that because life has not been good for a long time. 

"Us?" Ezra asks and tilts his head in confusion. 

"Hmm? What us? I didn't mention us." I deflect the question immediately and hope that they don't ask further questions because not a single person on this planet knows besides my mother and she doesn't even know the full story, for obvious reasons. 

"What things will you take then?" Alexander asks and searches my face once or twice when I don't answer. In all honesty, I'm not sure what I'll take besides the things that are important you know? Like I could technically take anything. 

"I mean there isn't a lot to take since my mom sold a lot of things in the house." I say and ponder a bit on what I'll actually take when I do go back home. 

"I do have this dresser, I can't take that though, but I'll take a few clothes out because I still have some clothes that he bought me. I also have this hidden storage space where I have the money I've been saving since I started working, some jewelry that belonged to my mother and my dad's wedding ring, a few photos and some other small things." I think back to all of those things tucked away in a small hidden floorboard in my room. I used to look at those pictures and wear the necklaces and rings that belonged to my parents when I was much younger. I reminisced those days where there was nothing but love filling the house and would occasionally fall asleep with it in my bed. Might sound weird to others but for younger me, it was the only source of love and hope. 

"You've been saving money? Is that why you work multiple jobs?" Clara asks now genuinely listening and not eating anymore. Ezra and Alexander do the same, focusing intently on me and what I'm saying. 

"Well yes and no. I worked because I had too. We needed the money but I did always take a certain amount on every pay day and I've been saving up since." 

Alexander shakes his head and gives me a once over. "You shouldn't have to do that though." I shrug while taking another bite of a biscuit. 

"It's honestly the only life I know. I live to survive and that's been the goal for the longest time." 

And it was the truth. Yes, I did live a life of happiness and love and so much hope but I was young and over the years a lot of those memories began to fade within time. I couldn't stop that from happening either because everyday became a fight for my life and eventually there was no time to reminisce about the days where I was loved and my family was whole. Instead, my days morphed into working hard and trying to stay alive in my own home.