Running //Changbin X Reader

Chapter 2

the whole plane ride was a lot more pleasant than I thought it would be. I thought the entire ride would be my mind running with doubts, but instead, it was filled with laughs and smiles, and memories I will never forget.   

I turned to the boy named Felix who just happened to be seated next to me. "so what brought you guys to America?" I ask him with a smile. "oh, well since our tour is finished, its time to get back to the company"

"wait, you guys were on tour? and you're signed under a company? we've been on this plane for 4 hours how did I not know this??" I exclaimed dramatically. Felix laughed "I guess we just assumed you knew" he explained, and his accent coming through that sentence considering our conversation was taking all of our English brain cells 

I pull out my phone, bringing up Spotify and handing him my phone. "do it" is all I said and with a sigh and a smile, he found their page in a flash, then handing it back to me "Stray Kids" I said aloud making everyone turn their heads. 

"I didn't know I've become friends with famous people," I said, Chan pace palmed "okay who told her?" I laughed as I played one of their songs at a low volume and put it close to my ear, I was bopping to it. the song was called "Easy" and I was in love with it.

the rest of the plane ride was filled with smiles and laughs, they all gave me their phone numbers as we got off the plane. all the happiness made me forget about the darkness that I have to try and get over

the darkness I can't show anyone

I was waving goodbye as their vans pulled out and as soon as they were out of sight I got a text saying I was added to a group chat, and then Felix said Changbin says he already misses me. I laughed lightly at the thought.

"Thanks for the memories," I said softly with a soft smile, in that moment I actually thought I might've found somewhere I actually fit in, but not long after, on the bus ride to my new apartment, I realized I will never fit in cause of what I did.

just then my phone buzzed, I looked at it only to find another article, this time about a child body found under the tallest oak tree in the forest, a tear fell from my eyes as I thought about that. they found my baby...

I buried her there so she wouldn't be disturbed... but in the end that didn't work out... 

A tear fell from my eye as I scanned over the article, said the child was no more than 4 years old, the DNA matched the other body they found but they haven't been able to identify either body. thank goodness. 

the bus stopped and as I was getting off the bus, I felt like everyone was watching me, I started to panic. my breathing got heavy as I rushed into my new apartment and threw my bag and suitcase down before rushing to the bathroom and dropping to the floor.

I put my hands on each shoulder, crossing my arms, trying something my mom taught me to do when I was young and sad, but I could bring myself to do it. instead, my hands stayed on my shoulders and my nails dug into my bare skin, making the blood drip down and soak into my shirt 

I sobbed so hard I could feel my head pounding so hard, I felt like I was falling apart, and the nails in my skin are the only way to show I'm still alive.

My hands fell to the tiled floor as I stared at my bloody fingers with blurry vision. that's when I got flashbacks, flashbacks of that night, the night nothing was in my control, the night I lost myself. 

I can't be myself, if I'm myself I might break and give away that I was apart of those murders... I sit back against the wall and look at the scar that healed over on my leg...

I could almost feel the knife still there, though it's been 3 years. my fingers graze my skin where the scar was. 

that's when my expression turned sour, I can't forgive what he did, he took so much from me. Eric hated me for dating him even after he warned me he was bad news, to the point he ignored me... till I went crying to him with blood on my clothes, I told him that I tripped running through the woods, but I wish it was that simple

I was snapped out of my manic episode when I heard my phone ringing outside the bathroom. I sniffled as I wipe away my tears and unlock the bathroom door, you might be wondering why I locked it, cause during manic episodes, I don't take any chances of someone seeing them, and it makes me feel like no one can hurt me but me.

the manic episodes started up a year after the abuse started, my mind couldn't take it, my father left then the only one I had ever loved turned on me, would beat and rape me every night, he made sure to scare me everywhere that clothes would cover, and he made sure that the cuts weren't deep enough for the hospital but still really deep

I cleaned my shoulders and walked out of the bathroom, but not before making sure I could fake a smile just in case. 

I walk into the living room that I finally get to admire. I grab my phone, unlock it and go into my calls to find out Changbin was the one who called. I was confused but hit the button to call him back anyway.

he picked up almost right away

"Hey! you tried calling me?" I asked faking happy like how I've learned to do for so many years now. "Yeah, sorry about that. this is going to sound weird, but I had a really bad feeling, I don't know why, it was probably nothing, but I decided to call anyway to make sure everything is okay"

he paused as if waiting for an answer, I wasn't going to tell him that I just had a manic episode. I was startled when he spoke again, I expected the silence to go on or a bit longer.

"So is everything okay?" you could hear the concern laced in his words, he just met me and you can hear how much he cares, that single sentence has shown me so much about him and I think what scared me the most was the fact that my heart felt like it was going to explode.