smoke & mirrors ◦ death cure || thomas

nine.

     Evanna couldn't get a word in before Garek wrapped his arms around her and spun the two of them around. A disbelieving and relieved laugh came from him as he almost danced around with her. He seemed more like himself since the last time she saw him. It made her feel a little more at ease.

     Evan laughed. "Put me down, you loser."

     He did so. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just – really happy I never have to look at these blueprints ever again."

     "That makes two of us."

     Wasting no time, Garek picked up a marker from the table and started highlighting the path. Nobody looked at the blueprints anymore and they were online in the system anyway. After they were done with this, they could burn all of them and none would be the wiser.

     Looking at him, Evanna couldn't help but feel a little guilty. It was a feeling that had become annoyingly common when around Garek. She hated it, but there wasn't anything she could do. Ignoring it would only make it worse.

     She hadn't told him about Newt, about Winston. She hadn't told him that when she tried to access the files again the other day, she was thrown out. The furthest Evan had gotten was with Winston, subject A3. She couldn't bring herself to tell Garek about him. It was as if telling someone, saying it out loud, would make it more real. Evan didn't want that. She wasn't ready for it yet.

     Finding the secret passage on the blueprints, all she could think about were Minho, Newt and Winston. She had to do it for them. Even for the ones she couldn't remember — for the boy with the brown eyes. They were all important to her in different ways and she couldn't let them down. Not again. She refused to.

     "Hey, you okay?" Garek's voice pulled her back to the matter at hand.

     Evan cleared her throat and shrugged the thoughts away. She had to focus. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking, is all."

     "When do you plan on going?"

     It was strange how he didn't include himself. Garek usually jumped at the chance to do something that WICKED didn't condone. Again Evan was reminded of his strange behaviour lately. She noticed the bags under his eyes, the slumped shoulders. She couldn't imagine how hard Janson was working him. She felt sorry for Garek, but at the same time also grateful that the attention was not on her.

     Evanna knew how busy he was, so she didn't even suggest he tag along. Besides, if both of them suddenly disappeared it would be too suspicious. Janson would instantly know what was up, especially if he was the one to deny her access to the files. He would already know how much she remembered.

     "As soon as possible," she answered. "I haven't really given it much thought."

     "We know the area the Sandman's hideout is, and we know how to get there now. I'm surprised you haven't already left."

     He had a point. She knew it. She also knew why she hadn't left yet. Why she was stalling.

     "I'm scared," she mumbled barely above a whisper. She sat down on a chair and leaned forward, burying her head in her hands as she shook her head. "I don't know what I'm gonna find out there. I don't know if I even want to find anything out. What if it's all a lie? What if none of these past few months have been real? I don't know ... "

     She felt him kneel down in front of her. Garek took her hands in his and waited until she lifted her head and looked up at him. He offered her a soft and kind smile; a typical Garek smile. It always made her feel more at ease.

     "There's nothing wrong with being scared," he told her. "Hell, I'm scared and I'm not even leaving the wall. But you can't stop now. Whatever you find out, it can't be worse than not knowing. You've told me so yourself. This is something you have to do."