Demon Tails | short stories

Bezel's dating profile

* Bezel is the teleporting snail Ansgarde met at Fungisland (DragonSky). Below was created with the help of a random dating profile generator. I did it for fun and also to brainstorm my snail character's personality while preparing to write a short story about the origins of teleporting snails. What came out of this exercise is so precious, I cannot possibly keep it to myself.

Have a laugh with me.

***

Looking for the hottest, polished shell around

Hello, my snailtastic shells!

I'm a mellow kinda babe, who likes nothing more than teleporting with the right snail (or snails if I'm lucky - wink wink).

The first thing snails usually notice about me is my clammy personality, closely followed by my smashing tentacles. You may find yourself awed by the caliber of my slime and fingerless hands - yes, I have hands. I will be sure to bring myself well-moistened to our date so that you can appreciate my body to its fullest.

I work as a gatherer, which allows me to exercise my skills: teleporting and eating. Dating me would be a little like dating royalty. Get snailself ready.

My life goals include:

- Meet a ghost,

- Get jiggy with you,

- Have a three-way date,

- Become the best gatherer I can be,

- Help all the snails in the world meet me.

If you're the right snail for me, you'll be open and grateful. You won't be afraid to travel shell-side and will have a healthy respect for honesty.

My ideal date would involve eating berries while lounging on a mushroom cap with a shelled specimen by my side. You climb my shell. I climb yours. I'm flexible.

Shell's mandatory. Sorry, slugs. That's how I slide. 

I promise I'll turn up to our date looking good and smelling amazing. You'll have no personal hygiene worries, and I hope I'll be able to say the same about you.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Taste my mucus, babe.