Just This Once

For Whom the World Revolves

A scream is clawing its way through my chest, scratching my throat and tearing rips in my lungs in its wake. I bite down hard on the inside of my cheek. The metallic tang of blood enters my mouth and a fresh sting of tears is threatening its way into my eyes. Breathing is no longer necessary, my heart will stop beating, I will fall. Not fall physically, but to fall to my knees internally, to lose grip on whatever string held the seams of my mind together. 

"Stop being over dramatic." Alice, my father's new... well, I'm honestly not sure what she is at this point. Fiance minus the ring? Her eyes are narrowed, looking at me as if she stares hard enough my mind will melt and I won't be a problem to her anymore. She could start over.
My hand's grip on the fork tightens just enough to make it hurt. She thinks I'm mad at her. Mad at the little lecture she always gives me when my father goes to the bathroom. You need to go easier on your father. You know he is going through just as much as you are. You need to stop acting like this is all about you because it's not. You need to stop being so self-centered. And the ever famous, the world doesn't revolve around you. 

As much as I want to jab a fork into her neck at any given moment, this spat of rage isn't caused by her overwhelmingly empowering speech. The diners slightly foggy window became a frame, encasing the picturesque image of a couple standing close under the yellow light of a lamppost, kissing. Oh, Ethan. You stereotypical asshole.

"Kirsi, you need to grow up." Alice's high nasally voice pierces its way back to me. I smile slightly; she can be so dense sometimes. I look down at my burger and fries, suddenly extremely hungry. While I shovel food in my mouth, I can hear Alice blabbering on about how "being a teenager is not an excuse to be moody" or how "you need to start thinking about your future". I know how it looks from the outside, how the eyes roaming over us simply think that she cares for me. Alice does a good job of portraying it that way anyway. Sometimes I think she must have been an actress- back before the bags under her eyes became prevalent.

Dads figure comes behind Alice just as I'm frantically stuffing fries down my throat. His eyes ping pong between us confused. I bet she plans these lectures. She must-why else would she want to take me to dinner. It's not healthy for a teenage girl to be inside so much. She'll say to my smiling father. He'll think that this is it, the females in his life are finally getting along. She knows how to use my father's hope against me.

"How are my two favorite ladies?" He leans down and kisses Alice lightly on the cheek. I put down the last of my fries.

"Fine. I'm ready to go I think." I say. I quickly add a smile as an afterthought. Though oblivious, he gets worried. Unwillingly my eyes check the window. They are gone, yet the love birds' presence is lingering like the imprint of a butt on a worn down sofa. I grab my old windbreaker and slide out of the booth while Alice and dad do that weird reading-your-mind eyebrow wiggle young couples do. A real keeper, I laugh lightly to myself. 

I walk up the twelve or so steps to my room quickly-I'm dying to get into bed. My father shouts a quick "Night!" up the stairs as I shut the door. I can't remember the last time my room was clean. Rifling through stacks of books and disheveled overdue homework on my desk I manage to find the remote to my forty dollar yard sale TV. You know the kind; with dark shadows bleeding in from the corners and a discolored stripe running down the center that almost ruins the picture. I flick it on and Wayne's World (one of the two CD's I actually own, the other being a copy of The Little Mermaid that skips every couple of scenes) resumes without hesitation. I flop into bed without taking my shoes off and half listen to the movie until I can't keep my eyes open anymore.

"Party on Garth." I murmur under my breath.

"Party on Wayne."

My eyes snap open. That's not me.