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ONE: BLACK LINGERIE

I never imagined that my twenty-first birthday would be spent in a home worth half a million dollars, surrounded by three stepchildren and a husband more than twice my age. When I took a front desk job at a pharmaceutical company, I never thought I would have an affair with my boss. After that, he married me. It wasn't what I wanted. Although my life is very easy now, I'm very comfortable, I am not happy. I needed a thrill, and Jim didn't do that for me. This was an opportunity that a fool would turn down. It's not like many women before me didn't bite the bullet and accept a life that wasn't her dream in exchange for security. Traditionally, you would seal a deal like this with a child. My eggs hate me just as much as I do. But being five-foot-one and eighty-five pounds probably had something to do with it.

My dear husband poured me a glass of wine, like it was the first one I had ever had. I smiled politely and accepted his kind gesture. My stepchildren, one who was only ten years younger than me, gave me their homemade presents. Jake, Piper, and Allison were the most well-behaved children I had ever been around. Thankfully so, I usually hate children.

"Happy birthday Scar!" Piper, the eight-year-old said, playing with my two-foot long ponytail. I hadn't cut my hair for so long it was hard to wear it any other way. The kids compared me to the girl from Brave, and I wish I was her.

"Thank you, darling, now finish your plate!" I encouraged, I had no idea what I was doing with them. I talked to them like they were grown-ass adults because I hadn't talked to a child for years before I married Jim. When I was eighteen, I vowed I would never have them. Now, I take care of a dead woman's children.

When the kids were finally in bed, Jim gave me my gift. A lingerie set, all black lace, along with a string of pearls. It was gorgeous, but it was just a gift for himself. I put it on and stood in the bathroom mirror, goosebumps on my translucent skin. I had no tits. Thirteen-year-old girls had me beat there. At least I had a little bit of ass. My husband was waiting in bed, I endured ten minutes of less than ideal sex, and was asleep by ten o'clock on my fucking twenty-first birthday.

My sisters were going to take me out this weekend. I was looking forward to it. I was waxing, moisturizing, exfoliating, and conditioning for three days straight. I had never been to a club before. I loved to party before I was married, and I partied hard. I wasn't drug shy and I loved to dance. Jim wasn't going to be there and my sisters would never say anything. When Friday rolled along, I got the kids to school and began my night out. I went over to Beth's, my oldest sister, and helped her count her washed money. I loved money more than I loved to party, I even married it. When she said she got involved with some shady people, I was internally celebrating. She was scared, but I was mad jealous. We finished, I didn't even bother remembering the total as it wasn't at my disposal. We went to her bathroom and I stripped naked, got in her soaking tub and talked to her about her divorce and her new investment.

"This Rio guy, I think he might try to kill me." She said, scrubbing my back with a loofa.

"How exhilarating, you should send him my way to put me out of my misery." We both chuckled.

"I'm serious though, Scar. I can't make a single mistake or I think he would do it." She sounded worried.

"I'm sorry, Beth. But you gotta do what you gotta do." She agreed, moving onto my hair. I loved being bathed. Beth had been doing it since I was a child. She was 18 when I was born, our father had remarried and I came soon after. She took care of me, as my mother was also a wife for a living. It was comforting for her to once again be washing and detangling my wild mane of fiery red hair.

"So, how was your birthday?"

"I feel like he barely knows me at all." I shrugged, I didn't buy too much into emotions within my marriage. I saw it as a job. Fuck your husband, have a house.