Call me... Carson

Chapter 6

As I take off my oversized tee that I managed to salvage from Jack's wardrobe, he was sweet enough to give it to me. I walk over and stare into my white, wood-framed mirror. I turned my body to see how thin I'd become. At this point, you could start to see the outline of my ribcage. I was already pretty skinny before, but now it's a lot worse. I trailed my finger down the curves of my skeleton-like body. I look like a Halloween decoration, and my life is a horror movie. I throw one of my loose-fitting sweatshirts and take off my sweats. My legs shake from the cold as I recall the fact my parents don't pay to heat my room. I throw on clean cotton underwear that hangs off of my breaking body. I slide into a pair of ripped jeans and throw my now long hair into a bun. I look into the mirror and I can't seem to recognize myself. My hair has already grown long enough to wear you can easily mistake me for a girl. My parents also took the only binder I've ever had and replaced it with push-up bras and small underwear to try and convince me that I'm a girl. I hated it so much. 

My parents are beating me by the night. I'm just standing around waiting for the punch that'll kill me. And then I'll be gone. And no one will miss me. What would they say about me at my funeral, if my parents are even "humble" enough to give me one. I have cuts and bruises all over me from the empty glass bottles of beer they throw at me before and after they get drunk. The funny thing is, I used to feel useless, but now I know I'm absolutely miserable and worthless.

I bring my parents' breakfast into their room and place it on their nightstands so I don't wake them up. 'Cuz only God knows what they would do to me if I woke them up. I tiptoe out of there as quickly and quietly as possible. I walk into the backyard because I'm not allowed in the front yard. I sit underneath the cheap patio cover that's ready to fall at any minute and just sit. I look over to the fences that have been given additional height just to make sure I stay. I don't say anything, I don't make a single noise. I just sat there listening to the quiet. The first actual sound of silence I've heard in a very long time. My parents were always drunk, arguing, beating me, watching the T.V. way too loud or partying while making me sit outside in the backyard basically chained to the fence like a dog that's just broken a vase.

My mom shouts my name, loud, so I quickly run to the room and walk inside and when I see her I forget everything she's done to me and I run over to her and I hug her as tightly as I can. She was gasping for air as she kept coughing up blood. I see tears running down her face as she smiles and says, "You have to get out of this hell hole, Carson. I love you, and I'm so sorry. I wanted my baby girl, but I'm glad I can say I have such an amazing son like you." I hold her hand as her grip slowly leaves mine.

"Mom? Mom, please. Mom, please, I love you. We can go together, it'll be just the two of us. We'll be happy together. I love you so much. Please, mommy. Don't go. I forgive you. Just don't-" She died in my arms, and I was finally able to tell her I forgave her. Her motionless body laid on the ground as she held a note. I walked outside and read it to myself over and over. 

I hear more yelling and glass breaking. I walk over to the chain-link fence and start climbing it. I knew my father was going to try and do the same to me as he just did to my mom. A thought came over me. If I could escape now, I'll be free. I'd be able to see Jack again. I hopped over the fence in a matter of minutes. It was so hard because everything hurt and the fact that they made the fence higher to keep me in. I hear more dishes break from my house and I just start booking it. I ran into one of my neighbor's houses. I loved that neighbor so much. It was an old elderly couple that loved me. They were like my second parents. They heard me come in and came downstairs to where I was sitting against the door nearly crying.

"Carson? Son are you okay? I didn't know you were ba-" the husband notices my state and rushes to the phone I hear him dial three numbers. The wife walks over to where I am and helps me up and places me on their couch. It's been five minutes and the husband is still on the phone with the authorities. I hear raging yells coming from the front yard. My instincts kick in and I hide behind their couch. Luckily, the wife knows exactly what to do. She acts like she just got out of bed due to the yelling and abusive knocks on the door. She already knew it was my father.