tick tock

chapter 1

I keep telling myself.

What would've happened if I didn't do it.

Each and every day I tell myself this sentence.

2 years

3 months.

14 days.

6 hours.

38 minutes.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

Tick tock.

And the clock keeps on repeating itself. Repeating and repeating and repeating an-

The metal door bursts open.

"c'mon! c'mon! c'mon! get it moving!" she waves with her arm as if it will make my ass hurry.

I jerk from the so called 'bed'. A wave of pain hits my head but I Ignore it. A big metal table, a toilet and a sink. At least this year I don't have a cellmate. "c'mon!, you lazy pigs!". I quickly wear my 2 years old-torn-shoes and ignore the old woman yelling into my ear as I pass through her and exit my cell. The other kids already started moving. Another lady yanks my arm and pushes me forward, angry. It takes time for me to process my surroundings. My head is spinning and banging. I shut my eyes and force my legs to run. I steal a glance at the other kids, some are barely walking, some half dead, some newly kids are scared and alarmed, some just woke up and some are running just like I am.

Run, because if you don't-

the shovels are here.

They use them to speed us up. because they give us no time to process anything. To them we are not humans. We all did horrible things a normal human being wouldn't do. the dim lights start to brighten which means I'm close to the destination. My head is sending fists like an angry child demanding for a normal bed. Demanding for a healthy lifestyle. I keep running not looking back at the kids failing to keep up and falling, being left behind and the kids who are releasing yells of pain from the shovels' hard metal pushes. I had not realized I let out a groan of pain and slowed down until a kid barks at me, "get that ass moving!, you weakling!". I shoot him a dirty look and stare at his dirty t-shirt and pants. We stay in the clothes we committed our crimes in, they let us sink with them, reminding us of the crimes we committed .The blood in my torn black clothes turned to dark brown, becoming almost invisible. Because why would they give you fresh clean, clothes?. I bet the kid's stay didn't exceed 3 months. I almost break a laugh at his ignorance and the not-yet-gone spark in his eyes. 'you still have a lot to learn'.

And...stop. You have reached your destination.

The doors open. You thought all of your trash went to the landfills?. You thought.

I tried.

I tried so many times to kill myself before this time of the day comes. The time of the day where they give each of us a trash bag and we have to search for edible food. What If you didn't find any?.

Well, try again tomorrow.

The flies had managed to make their way here. a completely empty big room with only trash bags placed in it and the people who will distribute them.

'It doesn't matter if you're in the front line or at the very back. it all depends on the trash bags'

That's what I want to tell the new kids who came this month. They really still don't understand that?. I got it from my first week here. I sigh, waiting for everyone to get into line so I can get my bag as late as possible. The old kids look like walking zombies, get your asses over!. "hey!, you!, girl!" a random guy yells. I look at him "get into line!, c'mon!". I know this kid. He gets in trouble a lot, this explains the bruises all over his face. I ignore him as the other people push him forward, lazily "go, mooovve, your stopping the liiiine" they say half asleep and still aching from the shovels' pushes. I'm not in the line yet. I cross my arms, waiting.