The Rise of Lydia Rowe ↠ Jasper Hale (ON HOLD)

[2.04] eight weeks

Lydia met her mother's gaze before returning it to the wall beside her bed. "You don't know that," she murmured, a hint of knowing sorrow in her words. 

"I know it probably feels like your heart's in a million pieces right now," Tracy said softly, "but that pain won't last forever, honey. I can promise you that." 

Lydia closed her eyes tightly, willing herself to believe her mother.

✧ WEEK FOUR ✧ 

"How are you feeling, Lydia?" 

Lydia kept her gaze on the wall behind Dr. Evans, willing the seemingly endless tears to give it a rest for once. "Fine." 

Dr. Evans looked at her for a moment. "Is that the truth?" 

Of course not. 

"No," Lydia mumbled. "I don't... I don't know how I feel." 

"That's perfectly normal, Lydia," Dr. Evans told her. "You've been through a lot in a very short amount of time. It's okay not to know how you're feeling." 

After a moment, she admitted quietly, "I'm angry." 

"At Jasper?" 

The sound of his name made her heart hurt. "Yeah," Lydia whispered, hating the way her voice cracked. "And I'm sad, all the time it feels like. And it isn't just because he dumped me. I miss his family, too. His sister, she was my friend. She disappeared, too." 

"Have you tried to contact them?" Dr. Evans asked. 

Lydia nodded, reaching up and wiping a stray tear off of her cheek. "I've emailed Rosalie and Alice a few times, but I'm pretty sure they deactivated their emails. I called Rosalie once, but I got that 'this number is no longer in use' message, so I gave up on that. It's like they want nothing to do with me. Like our friendship meant nothing." 

"You can't know that's how they feel, Lydia," Dr. Evans told her. "The only thing you know is what you feel. They could be as upset as you are, and maybe distancing themselves is the only way they can handle how things ended between you. You'll only make yourself more upset if you try to figure out what they're feeling." 

"I just don't understand how he just... disappear," Lydia said softly. "We were happy. I was happier than I'd ever been. Now I doubt I'll ever be that happy again." 

Dr. Evans looked at her for a silent moment. "I don't think that's true, Lydia." 

Lydia scoffed, fidgeting with a loose thread on her jeans. "Right. Because this was just another high school romance and I'm taking this break-up way harder than I should be." 

"That isn't what I mean, Lydia," Dr. Evans said. "This relationship meant a lot to you. It was your first romantic relationship since your assault, so of course it means a lot to you. What I meant is that I don't think you'll never feel happy again. You told your first therapist after your assault that you didn't think you'd ever be able to fall in love again after what happened to you. That you didn't know if you'd ever be happy again. Do you remember that?" 

Lydia vaguely remembered her first therapy session after the assault, though the memory was faint and distant, as if it had happened in a movie she'd watched while she was half-asleep. She nodded a little, indicating to Dr. Evans that she did remember, at least a little. 

"You fell in love with Jasper," Dr. Evans said softly. "And you were happy with him. And not just with Jasper, but with your friend, Gwen, and your mothers. You were in a bad place, but you pulled yourself out of it, and you found happiness again. And it'll take time, but Lydia, I'm positive you'll find happiness again after all of this."