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Lesson #11: Let it all out

Dedicated to: Just all of you who left nice comments last chapter and stuff about my mental health I don't like seeming like I need attention and I never talk to anyone in real life about it but having wattpad means I get the best advice from people who want the best for me so thank u all X

A/N ~ Sorry this took a while will try have another up in the next couple days if I can :) Also maybe skim read the last chapter as a refresher?

I will post again when this reaches... 110 votes and comments

POV: MACKENZIE ZIEGLER

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As I cried, I shook. My whole body got the shivers. My hands acted as frail as leaves blowing in the wind and my gut was sending out waves of panic through my body. I was juttering, and I couldn't breathe, and Johnny was comforting me, and I felt like I was drowning, and everything went starry as I got lightheaded, but I clung onto his voice like a lifeline and used it to keep consciousness.

Eventually, after gulping air back, the repetitive, soothing motion of him clutching me tight and smoothing out my hair brought me back to earth. My sobs turned into hiccups, and erratic breathing turned into little gasps.

"I'm sorry," I breathed as tears tickled my cheeks on their way down, "I haven't lost it, like that, in a long time. I'm just... overwhelmed."

"Understandably." He looked me in the eye, concern for me shining as bright as the stars.

"Do you wanna, um, get the flowers?" My voice went a couple octaves higher as I tried to remember pity and empathy were different things.

He nodded, linked our hands, and pulled me over to the car. After taking the flowers off the dash, he locked it behind him. And with my body full with dread and a heavy heart, I slowly led him to my Mother.

He spotted the grave before we arrived and squeezed my hand. When we got to the allocated piece of grass, he kneeled and slipped the flowers out of the bouquet one by one, silently laying them in front of her headstone. Tears slipped down his cheeks, but he didn't sob.

"Can I say a couple words?" He said gravelly, voice emotional.

I nodded and wiped at my eyes, even though I knew his speech would be so eloquent I'd likely cry again.

"You were my second Mom," He took his time, "But basically my first. You were the first person to teach me that being in love with a girl didn't make you weak, it made you strong. And you brought me the love of my life, all while being graceful, beautiful, kind. Mackenzie and I will teach our kids all the lessons you taught us, and bring them up in a way that would make you proud. I love you, Mel. I miss you."

"Thank you," I croaked out, and started crying again, feeling as fragile and wounded as shattered glass.

He took one look at me and bundled me up in his arms, making the short trip to the car. Everything blurred as I fought to stay in the moment, the grief and guilt I felt threatening to catch up with me.

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