𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 • 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐙𝐈𝐄

1.30

» Destroy the idea that repressing emotions is a strength. «

「 Lesson #13: Make an effort to understand where someone is coming from. 」

Dedicated to: jenzieforlife101 and -awtumn for being active on my page and being super kind xx

A/N ~ Guys like I don't even know why I haven't been uploading I've legit been on holidays so I should have made time but I just didn't. I am so sorry but I will give this book the ending it deserves I promise. X

I will post again when this reaches... 70 votes and comments :)

POV: Mackenzie Ziegler

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I smoothed out my deep red dress in the mirror, an anxious gesture that took me back to the days when Johnny and I first started dating as teenagers. We were going out for dinner together, and ever the perfectionist, I wanted John to think I looked nice. I really took time to survey myself and my curves and the way my reflection looked, picking out every imperfection.

I'd lost weight, I noticed, what with all the stress of moving in with Johnny. The last few months had definitely taken a toll on me, and as a consequence I'd lost weight in my arms and legs. I really, honestly didn't know how to feel about that. I noticed I was also very pale, which I'd tried to hide with self tanner, and there were frown lines on my face. I smoothed them out with a deep breath and closing my eyes, I imagined all anxiety leaving my body like my therapist told me to do.

She'd been helping me deal with the changes in my life; my grief over my Mother, the guilt I felt for leaving Hayden, and the fast-paced life of having two children at twenty three. She helped me work through what was going on inside my head, what was going on in my relationship with Johnny, and how to help support him through his post traumatic stress disorder from the military.

I was suffocated in this relationship, I knew. I loved Johnny more than I ever had, and he was the man I loved most in the world, but I was tired. I needed a change of scenery, some time to myself so I could gather my thoughts, and so I could figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and career. Did I want to accept the job offer in Canada, and be closer to Johnnys family? Was I content with two children, or did I want more? Am I happy with the house and the place that I live currently? The constant question mark hanging over my head had been what prompted me to seek out a therapist, and I was half suprised and half relieved when she prescribed alone time and a small break from a serious relationship. I had been comitted for a very long time, she had said, and it was time for me to step away for a bit and let Johnny take care of the kids.

I was drowning in routine, as the last five years of my life had almost consisted of the exact same day; wake up, get the kids ready for school, go to work, pick them up, have dinner, and go back to bed again. That's not to say I don't love the kids, for I do so very much, but I'm so burnt out I can't even be grateful for what they bring to my life- love, laughter, light, and a sense of belonging and grounding.

Just as I was lost in thought, I noticed John staring up at me from the doorway. My body instinctively relaxed and I smiled shyly at him through the reflection in the mirror. For all my inner struggles and negative thought patterns, he was still the absolute love of my life. Taking a few short steps over to me, he slowly enveloped me in a hug from behind, and I closed my eyes in bliss.