Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx | The Dirt}

29. she's almost you

Lola doesn't answer, just blinks slowly at him. It takes him too long to realise that she didn't even comprehend what he'd said, and by then, she'd left.

Tommy asks Nikki what they're on, and Nikki promises it's the best high he'll ever have. When he shows up to Nikki and Lola's house, he's on edge, waiting for her to pop up, looking sweet and strung out, or mean and feral, and either way he'll do whatever she says.

"She's at Nicole's," Nikki says, when Tommy is sitting on the edge of his sofa, nursing his beer, looking like he's worried the cops are about to bust in, "said you can't be around her, right? Well I still want to show you this, so; compromise." Nikki's bringing what looks like a kit of some sorts from the bedroom, and Tommy agrees quietly.

"You guys all, like, together, like we were?" Tommy asks, and Nikki snorts.

"Like we were?" He asks, and Tommy takes a long sip of his beer to try and hide his flush, "are you asking if Lo loves her?"

"Nah, dude," Tommy tries to brush it off like that exact question hadn't been bothering him since he'd found out about them, "just wanna know what to warn Doc about." Tommy laughs and Nikki rolls his eyes, smiling.

"Lo loves sex and smack, so in one regard, yeah, she loves Nicole, but nothing will ever come close to what we had," he paused where he was preparing the heroin, and Tommy swallows hard at the sight of the needle, "that woman's a hurricane, T-Bone," Nikki told him with a strange sort of seriousness, and Tommy's not sure what to make of it.

Lola doesn't call Nicole their girlfriend, because Lola tells herself that she's not replacing Tommy or Vince with the first person to show her kindness. When pressed, however, Nikki will call her his girlfriend, because otherwise he'd be calling her his dealer, and having two girlfriends is better than admitting Little Miss Perfect gets him and Lola heroin.

Tabloids pick it up, and soon Lola's name is back in the headlines like it is whenever Motley tours. So Lola and Nicole stay inside while Nikki and the rest of the band are practicing their stage show for the upcoming tour, and Lola pretends like it's for Nicole's sake, and not because Tommy had walked into rehearsals grinning like he was walking on air, announcing that he'd proposed to Heather.

It hasn't felt like long, but Lola doesn't even know what year it is anymore, so she buries her hurt heart and fucks Nicole like her life depends on it, because maybe if Tommy can replace Lola with someone as beautiful as Heather, Lola can find solace in someone as beautiful and willing as Nicole. 

Nikki knows better than anyone that Lola's hurting, so the three of them live out of Nicole dirty apartment, where Lola doesn't see the ghost of Tommy on every surface. 

Lola doesn't come to rehearsals much anymore, but Nikki tells Tommy that she's happy for him.

"No she's fucking not," Tommy rolls his eyes, and Nikki shrugs.

"She wants you to be happy," which is the absolute truth, no matter how much it hurts Lola.

So it's only adding insult to injury when Nicole's manager calls and threatens Lola for ruining Nicole's image. 

"You say that," Lola slurs, leaning her forehead against the wall of Nicole's kitchen, "like she's not the one supplying me with smack, dude," and Nicole swears in the other room, demanding to know who it is on the phone with her.

"Calls himself Gary... somethingorother," Lola shouts back, and Nicole swears again, bolting from the room, snatching the phone from Lola's grip. Immediately, her voice is gentle and placating as she tries to calm down the man on the other end. Lola hears him hollering insults, slurs designed to sting, and Lola gives a lazy grin, falling to her knees. Pushing Nicole's underwear to the side, she delights in how Nicole has to bite her lip to muffle her whimpers, but soon enough she's shoving Lola away.