Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx | The Dirt}

29. she's almost you

Lola remembers Nicole laying back on the bed she shares with Nikki, wearing a cute lacy bra, high on acid and writhing as Lola's tongue finds her clit. They haven't injected smack yet, Lola's adamant that she needs to try everything else before she feels what it's like to fly. Even though Lola's younger than her, Nicole trusts her judgement.

When Nicole comes, screaming, arching, two of Lola's fingers inside of her, seeing colours she can't even name, Lola, just as high, watching light somehow pour from her open mouth, wants this moment to last as long as possible. Nicole can somehow get any drug Lola asks for, the least Lola can do is to go down on her until she cries.

When Lola goes to get them water, to let Nicole rests, the woman in the bed gasps. When Lola pauses, Nicole's sitting up, looking at Lola's bare back with awe.

"You're carrying civilization," Nicole tells her seriously, and Lola shifts from relaxed to uncomfortable, turning her back to the door, walking without looking as Nicole meets her gaze.

"They're scars," Lola's tone is terse, but Nicole seems not to notice.

"It's a map!" 

When Lola gets back, Nicole's smile is blinding.

"Can you feel them?" She asks, as Lola sits down.

"The scars?" Lola asks, offering her a bottle of water.

"The people," Nicole's hand moves to Lola's hip, fingertips brushing the scars on her back, "you've got mountains and plains and cities, it's right there!" And Lola, for the first time in her life, lets someone else explain what they see when they see her scars, and it brings her a strange sense of peace. Nicole's fingers trace the topography of Lola's back with gently awed touches as she explains the civilisations that she sees among the scars, twisted, knotted and shiny. 

Nikki comes back to Lola asleep, and Nicole staring intently at her back, as if trying to divine the secrets of life.

"Nicole -"

But she shushes him and waves him over, explains in hushed whispers that there's a team trying to scale Lola's shoulder. He doesn't see anything, but Lola looks so peaceful, so he plays along. Nicole gives him the last of the acid that Lola had set aside for him, and they fuck in the shower while Lola stays asleep on the bed. 

Nikki knows where they're headed, the slippery slope Lola's leading Nicole down, but Lola's happy. 

When Nicole gives Lola head, it's sloppy and inexperienced, but she's trying so hard, wanting to keep her and Nikki happy, since they're willing to show her the ropes to the things everyone else is too afraid to even contemplate. Lola fists her hand in Nicole's hair, and whines and gasps enough to wake Nikki, and he instructs her on the best way to get Lola off. 

Lola remembers being with Nicole as a blur of highs and orgasms, remembers so clearly the sting, the rush, the weightless high, the weight of Nicole's hand on her belly, keeping her pinned, with her head between Lola's thighs while Lola loosens the cord around her arm, lets the heroin circulate through her veins with the erratic beating of her heart.

Then, she'll remembers the gentle way they'd coaxed Nikki down to their level, like he was an animal about to spook. Soft touches, a shoulder bite, murmurs of 'its the best high I've ever had, babe, just trust me', and he does, he gives in to Lola's warm smile and unfocused vision, gives in and then there's a needle in his arm in the bathroom of the recording studio, and Lola's on her knees, unzipping his pants, while Nicole caps the needle and presses messy kisses to his gasping lips as Nikki's eyes roll back into his skull.

"So you're fucking Nikki and Nicole now?" Tommy hears himself asking on one of the few days Lola shows up to the studio. Vince is recording his part for a song that Lola's already forgotten the name of. He's not sure why it hurts, but it does. He's been seeing Heather for a few months now and she's fucking perfect; he tries not to think about Lola, or worry about her, because if he wants to be good for Heather, he's not allowed to get pulled into Lola's spiraling like he would have let himself before.