To be in Control | Quackity

Chapter three

Now that the contents of his stomach had washed down the drain and the smell was slowly fading, Alex felt better than he had for the entire past month. It was almost a relief to breathe without the constricting feeling in his stomach.

A hand touched his shoulder tentatively, and Alex tilted his head sideways with hooded eyes to see his brother standing over him, practically radiating concern. The smaller boy looked slightly out of breath. His worried eyes were starting to make Alex mad, reminding him that yes, he had experienced this on account of his family. He had forced himself into this as a result of their concern. The only reason he was suffering like this was that he felt the need to placate their concern. Still did.

"I'm fine." He said, trying to hide the shaking of his hands by clenching them into fists. He did feel much better, but he didn't want to tell his brother that throwing up made him feel good.

"I don't think I can eat ham, though."

"Mamá is waiting outside." His brother informed him hesitantly. "she feels terrible for trying to make you eat. She didn't know..."

Alex washed his hands before turning off the water. "I didn't know either. Don't worry about it. I just don't think I'll be eating anymore today, though. I feel sick." He lied.

"I'll talk to Mamá then. We don't want this to happen again, do we?" His brother joked weakly.

"No," Alex replied. "We don't."

☾ *:·ﾟ✧

The next day Alex ate more at dinner without his mother's encouragement, then excused himself and went to the bathroom, and promptly threw up everything he ate.

It was nearing Christmas holidays when Alex felt too tired to stream at all. He had developed bags underneath his eyes, despite the plentiful sleep that he got each night, and had an unusual pale pallor even though he used to have a brilliant tan. But he still woke up every morning and plastered a smile on his face, his parents never suspecting anything. They suspected that Alex was staying up too late at night, which would constitute for why he was so tired during the day. He tried to improve his Youtube videos and playing the piano, and practice more editing in general. He wanted things to be as it was when he initially began with this control issue. He needed things to improve. He wanted things to be as it once was.

In any case, it shamed Alex to think that he was throwing up his dinners. He hadn't given much thought to it at first, as it served its duty to rid the contents of his stomach. But each day that he did it only increased his need for this... purging. He constantly remembered how his mother had accused him of being anorexic, yet now he ate to such an extent. He was unable to quit eating. Two weeks ago, his family stared as Alex piled food onto his plate, to fulfil the chewing hunger deep within. He had looked up and found himself under the gaze of the household, some sickened and others stunned. They had never seen Alex eat that much in one setting before.

Afterwards, he felt so ashamed he left immediately for the restroom, unable to bear the weight of those eyes any longer. He ate normally after that, sometimes going to the kitchen late at night for a snack that he could take with him to his room.

Not that he gained much weight from that. Alex made sure that almost all the food he consumed wouldn't be allowed to digest. It was a daily ritual, to eat and afterwards rid the food from his stomach. It wasn't as if he was getting alarmingly thin, and Alex was glad for getting rid of excess weight on his body. A social media icon shouldn't be... fat, all things considered. All he was doing would be worth it after a while, even if he was feeling too tired to go to do practically anything.

Yes, he was ashamed that he couldn't tell his friends about his situation, but they would worry again. And they wouldn't allow him to cleanse himself of all that harmful foods. And he couldn't allow himself to get any rounder. He had to act normally, or else Aksel and the others would worry.

And that was why Alex was sitting at his setup, playing Minecraft with some friends on a December day, cold and tired enough to fall asleep on the spot. He was wrapped up in many layers of clothing, but he could still see his fingers trembling in the chilly basement. He was so cold... and he just wanted to be in his warm bed, sleeping...

"C'mon, Alex..." Aksel said in the Discord call, "You need to stop playing Minecraft... you really shouldn't be playing if you feel that awful."

Indeed, he already knew that. His empty stomach was pestering him, but it wasn't as awful as the cold. He felt lightheaded out of nowhere, and all of a sudden really, really resented playing videogames.

"Hey, are you alright, Alex?" Ani asked, examining tired his face through the call. "You're pale... Maybe you should go get some rest."

"I'm fine." Alex brushed off the concern. "Just a bit cold, there's nothing more to it. Honest." He sniffled.

Ani gave him a doubting look, seeing the many layers he had on, but got the point that he wanted to be left alone.

She went back to playing Minecraft and cast one last glance at her other monitor and saw him close his eyes tiredly. He looked like death warmed over.

Alex closed his eyes involuntarily, his lids feeling too tired and his body barely able to sit straight in his chair. He felt as if he was being drained of energy as each second went by, and he just wanted to leave the call.

"Alex!"

His eyes snapped open to see a bewildered Aksel, booging it away from at least a dozen zombies. Alex's eyes widened as he saw the zombies now running after him. They were just a few blocks behind him, emitting that creepy signature growl. Alex leaned forward, jerked his mouse and repeatedly smashed the keyboard, with an end goal to kill the massive amount of zombies, his tiredness nearly forgotten, but replaced by a wave of queasiness.

He stilled for a moment before he fell backwards into his chair, his vision blurring.

The last thing he heard was the concerned shouts of his friends mixing in with the soothing hum of the Minecraft music as his hands fell slack and his eyes rested for just a moment...