Sex Lessons 2 [h.s//fanfic]

|Chapter 7|

"Yummy." The aroma of the soup fills the room and I watch silently, eagerly, as he slices tomatoes, carrots, and celery into the pot. 

"How was class for you?" He asks. His back is still turned to me and I selfishly admire the way his shirt hugs the muscles on his back.

"Typical." I lie. I unpack my bags. I gasp in horror when I see a torn piece of paper with Ralph's name and number scribbled on it. 

Harry turns around to look at me, worry flooding his face and I quickly shove the note back into my purse.

"You okay?" He turns the stove off and pulls two bowls from the cabinet. 

"Yes. I just.. realized I forgot to turn in something last night for this professor." I mumble. 

Harry pours the two bowls and slides into the bar stool next to me. I fill my mouth with the deliciously tender meat and fresh vegetables. 

"I felt homesick so I thought we'd have this."  

"I'm sorry."

His posture stiffens, and I notice how his eyes narrow at me again in that curious way. 

"Sorry about what?"

"I haven't really been asking you about home and how you've been feeling since we moved here. And I'm sorry about that. I know you miss Lux." 

"Oh," He stirs the soup around. "I do. I think I might go visit them this weekend. I think you should come with me if you're able." He sounds disappointed. Maybe I'm overreacting. 

"Of course." I say. 

We both finish our food and I convince Harry to let me clean up the dishes and the kitchen area. I need to feel useful. Like I'm not a terrible girlfriend although I know I am. I don't know why it's so difficult for me to be honest with him; why I find myself shrinking at the thought of him breaking down because of me. We've come so far, beat so many odds, got through some of the hardest chapters of our lives together. It destroys me to think we could lose it all because I stupidly decided to stray away from our group and entertain Ralph at the party. A selfish part of me hopes his understanding will cloud any emotional reaction he has when I decide to tell him.

I can't help but look over at him while disinfecting the sink and notice him sitting on the bar stool still, twiddling his thumbs. His eyes are hazy and low from his high, and I can only imagine how quickly his thoughts must be racing because of it. 

"Have you been honest with me?" My face goes pale, and I try not to overreact. I finish cleaning and turn around to face him, my back pressed against the oven door. I feel the sudden urge to lessen the distance between us, have him buried inside of me instead. It's a selfish urge. One I should not have been resorting to these past couple of weeks.

"About?"

"Everything. The party mostly," He rakes a hand through his hair, a classic symptom of his frustration. "I don't think I can stand to hear another lie." 

My heart sinks. 

"Harry. . ."

"Did something happen to you? Did you get hurt?" He genuinely sounds concerned, genuinely pained. I hate what I've done to him. What I'm about to do. 

"Nothing happened to me at the party. I wasn't hurt. I just... I don't know what to say or how to say it," Harry's lips press into a thin line.  

I open my mouth to speak again when a knock sounds at the door. I feel relieved, pathetically, and watch as Harry checks his phone before heading to the bedroom and returning with a black plastic baggie which I know contains weed. 

"One second." He grunts. He opens the door and a deep, familiar voice floats from the doorway. 

"Come on in." Harry invites him in and I feel like a wall has come crashing down on me when my eyes lock with Ralph's. Shock registers on his features but he recovers quickly, pulling out a wad of cash and taking the plastic baggie. He avoids my gaze, and stuffs his hand in his front pocket. Must be a nervous habit. 

"This is my girlfriend, Stella," Harry motions to me and I manage to wave a small, shy, wave. I want to shrink into my seat. "Stella, this is Ralph."

"Nice to meet you." He says. His face is expressionless, and it makes me shiver. 

Harry pockets the money and daps Ralph up, the two pulling in for a bro hug. "Thanks for your help these past couple of days. Trying to navigate this fucking campus has been a nightmare." Harry says. 

They know each other? Where did they meet? How does he know that Harry is a dealer? So many questions pile in my mind. 

Ralph assures him it's been his pleasure, and he looks over his shoulder at me a final time. 

"There's a pool party tomorrow night by the way. Thought you'd be interested. Your.. girlfriend is invited too, of course," Ralph's smile is tight, primmed. 

"We'll think about it." Harry says. I can tell he's still a bit on edge from our conversation with the mention of another party. I, for one, don't think another party is a good idea. Another wild part of me wants to go again, to distract myself. I loved the feeling of the bass thumping through my limbs, the way I felt lost in the music and in myself. It makes me feel unstoppable. Desirable. Thrilled.

Ralph exits the apartment with his weed, and Harry straightens himself, sliding next to me on the bar stool again. We both sit in silence. 

"Who is that?" I ask quietly. 

"Met him at the gym a couple weeks ago. He started showing me around, aquatinting me with some of his buddies. Brought a fuck load of clients, that's for sure. Good people." 

"Oh." My voice is small, really small.

"So. What is it? What happened?" 

I can't tell him now. Especially now that he's friends with him. I hate myself for lying, for going in circles with him. But I have to protect him. His feelings. Don't I? I am doing the right thing. 

"I wandered off and found a group of people playing a drinking game and just embarrassed myself not being able to finish the dares. That's all." I retreat to the living room and turn Netflix on, settling myself into the couch. If I look at him in his face, especially lying to him now, again, I don't know if I'll be able to keep myself from breaking.

He follows me, though, crouching in front of me on the couch. His hands delicately cup my face, thumbs caressing a pattern on my cheeks. I feel them begin to warm under his touch. I don't deserve him. "Thank you for being honest with me." His lips press against mine in the most gentle way. He presses his forehead against mine. 

"Of course." My voice shakes, threatening to break.  Harry searches my eyes, piercing me with them,  and I finally offer him a smile.  

"The Office?" He asks.  I nod, shifting to cuddle with him on the couch. He flips on an episode and I tune out eventually, my mind racing with how I can possibly escape this situation without breaking his heart and obliterating his trust. 

I don't know how to fix this. I don't know if I can.

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