I tend to put myself in a bad mood. I never think it's going to be okay deep down , I know my fate. I try to be happy and smile and live but everytime I'm alone I feel numb again. I'm so used to sadness I think it follows me. A dark cloud never too far away from me. I always thought I was a Star and I brought light but lately I've been feeling a lot more like nothing. I still smile because I really am happy sometimes at that moment. I also keep everything inside which is hard to vent and to cry to yourself. I feel like I've been telling myself the same thing for years. Just keep going find things to take my mind off my mind. I can't count how many times I actually feel nothing. It's a bad feeling, it feels like everything but nothing. I don't want people to think I'm a lost cause because I'm fine. I don't show my pain to anyone else because we're all hurting so why pour my parade on yours. I'm not suicidal.. anymore I'm just here on earth trying to live my life the best way i can because it doesn't last forever. I can't possibly imagine what the world has in store for me but it's definitely been a ride. It's hard for me to express my emotions, good and bad. I have to talk to myself before i can speak to anyone because I'm the only one who had me when I didn't have me.
