Cuts Run Deep

Stories

~Harry's POV~

I look at Draco horrified. Quickly, I make a move to pull my sleeves down. After hiding it this whole year, someone finally knew. I felt a hot stream roll down my right cheek. I didn't wipe it away, I let my tears fall. Everything that I did to protect myself didn't matter because someone had discovered my secret. I wasn't careful enough. I start to cry harder.

"How long?" I hear Draco say, barely a whisper. "How long has this been going on?" I can't even look at him. His face bears a look of pity and sadness. It was almost as if it hurt him to know about my scars.

Through my tears, I manage to reply. "Since you know, I might as well tell you why all of this happened." I sit up in my bed and start to talk:

"Harry Potter. I'm supposed to be the golden boy. The truth is, I've never felt that way about myself. Everyone I love seems to get hurt. I've caused so many deaths. My parents died before I even knew them. My godfather, the only person I've ever truly loved was killed right in front of me. Everyone who died in the war? I blamed myself for their deaths. I couldn't take it.

Getting to come to Hogwarts was an escape. An escape from my Aunt, Uncle and cousin. They treated me like trash ever since I was dumped on their doorstep. My time here has never been exactly easy either though.

In my third year, I met my godfather, Sirius. After figuring out that he wasn't a criminal, we got really close. He was like my father. Everything was going good. In fourth year when Voldemort returned, I knew things would get harder. I didn't know I would lose everything I learned to care about.

Everything started to go downhill in fifth year. Umbridge made my life like hell and Voldemort was always in my head. If I'm being honest, all of that was bearable. It's not like it hadn't happened before. The thing that hurt the most was watching the only person I've ever looked up to, ever truly loved, die right in front of me. Bellatrix Lestrange killed Sirius in front of me and laughed about it. I almost killed her right then and there. I would have if I wasn't stopped. I guess I fell into a bit of a depression after that. I cried for weeks and never really talked to anyone. And then the school year ended.

I was supposed to go live with Sirius that year, so my Uncle was very surprised when I showed up at his front door. He brought me inside and didn't say a word. I went upstairs to my room and unpacked.When I went downstairs to get food, Uncle Vernon looked up from his paper. He got out of his chair and headed over to me. What do you think you're doing? he asked with venom dripping with every word. I replied simply with I'm hungry. He raised his hand to my face and before I could register what was happening, he slapped me. Hard. Without another word, he went back over to his chair. And the abuse only got worse.

Two weeks before summer was over, Uncle Vernon had beaten me pretty badly. I laid on the floor in my room crying. I heard footsteps coming towards the door. I didn't bother to look up. A voice said a sentence I would never forget. It rings through my head in my nightmares. It was my cousin Dudley saying, Just go die already you horrible, worthless, piece of trash. And then he was gone. I thought about doing it too, killing myself. Wouldn't it be easy to just die and escape everything? I thought about it all night, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I packed all of my things and was gone by morning to the Leaky Cauldron.

I thought everything was going well. Ginny asked me out and nothing really happened for most of the year. Until Dumbledore died. I never really blamed anyone, except myself. I felt so horrible, I needed a distraction from the pain. One night I found myself in the restroom with a knife. I did this to myself. All it did was make me feel worse. I swore I'd never do it again...

I lied.

After the war, I broke things off with Ginny, I just didn't feel the way I used to about things. Even though she forgave me and we're still friends, it gave everyone else an excuse to call me names. Since then, I've had horrible nightmares. My head would pound and my ears would ring almost every minute of the day. I couldn't take it. I found myself in the restroom doing exactly what I promised I never would. This time however, it was different. The pain felt good. And so, I never stopped.

I know none of that is a good excuse, I just felt so empty. I needed something to show myself I was still human. I would dig into my skin to make myself feel something. The reason I'm here is because I had a crash back. Someone had called me a freak in the hallway and it just sent all the memories I had been trying to push down back up. I think I passed out from the stress. Sorry that I just dumped all of this on you..."

I suddenly realizing what I had done. I just told Malfoy my whole story. My darkest secrets. I look up at him for a reaction. He was completely still and staring at the ground. I couldn't see his face very well, but I could have sworn there were tears falling down.

"Draco...?" he looks up at me finally. He was crying. Before I could ask what's wrong, He leaps out of the chair and hugs me. I'm startled at first, but then I wrap my arms around him and hug back. I feel tears start to form again.

And so we just stay there crying, holding each other up for support.

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❤- Fanon_is_better