1,598,400 Seconds • Ross Lynch Fanfic [Book 3]

Chapter 40

I want you to continue with your life. You have two beautiful sons and a husband who I know will give you everything in life and keep you happy. I want you to be happy.

I love you

I let out a groan after I read the letter. I heard footsteps and saw Ross walking into the room with Raeden in his arms. "That bad?" he asked gently and I shook my head.

"I think it's what I needed: for him to tell me that I should go on with my life," I said and held my arms out for Raeden. My son was placed in my arms and I cuddled him closer to my chest. "You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me," I told him and Raeden stared up at me curiously.

***

I immediately frowned when I saw my brother's teary face at my front door. Jasper had a deep frown embedded on his face while Kyle's – just like mine – embedded an expression of neutrality and confusion.

I knew my brother and I know he felt exactly like I did; we both didn't know how to feel.

"I shouldn't be crying to you. I know he was horrible to you and that he was a terrible father. But he was my dad for twenty one years and I'm sad," was the first thing Jasper told me before I could even greet him.

"Of course you're sad, Jasper. You just need to understand that you and I won't react the same towards the situation. I'm not saying I'm not sad, I'm saying that I need time to process this, and I need time to come to terms with my emotions," I quickly defended and he nodded.

He walked in and enveloped me in a hug. Without a word further, he kissed my cheek and walked to my living room. I knew he was crying.

"Please tell me you also don't know how to feel – I mean he's our parent and his passing is very sad, but . . . I feel like he wasn't my dad . . . especially not to you. Does that make sense? Am I a terrible human?" Kyle asked hushed. His words and emotions brought a sense of comfort to me.

"No, I feel the same. He came to see me last night. He wanted to hold Raeden and kiss Bear and apologise to me. Can I tell you something absolutely horrible?" I asked and Kyle nodded.

I knew that Kyle would understand and not judge me for my feelings. He was a very open-minded person like I am, and always tried to understand. I also knew that I couldn't talk to Jasper about it since he was very emotional, which was to be understood.

"It just feels so unfair that he wanted to make amends just before his death. Why not earlier? And I know it sometimes takes something horrible to make people realise the error of their ways, but still. I would've given anything to have a dad. But the way that he reacted when I was found after the kidnapping . . . I just . . . Kyle, I don't know how to feel," I confessed and he nodded.

"I can't tell you how to feel. But I can tell you that whatever you're feeling – and I know you may be scared to confess your feelings out loud – is justified. And that no-one can blame you or judge you for the way you feel. You've had a horrible past with Dad. You were left to fend on your own without him while Mom was sick, and I will forever applaud you for the way you handled the situation during that time. So don't feel guilty and even if you're unsure or don't even feel anything, accept it. You've built yourself such a wonderful life. Don't let this get you down – not now, alright?" Kyle asked and I nodded. He took me into his strong arms for a long embrace.

I always felt better near my brothers. In the past few years we've grown incredibly close since we're living close to each other now. I loved them with all my heart and I was grateful to have them.

"Are you okay?" I asked and he pulled back to look down at me.

"Strangely, yes, I am. We may not be reacting the normal way, but when have you and I ever done that?" he joked and I chuckled before hugging him again.

Wednesday, 18 November 2020

Tori's POV

"Are you feeling okay, honey?" Stormie asked me after the funeral as we stood in my kitchen. Ross's parents were kind enough to attend the funeral. They were here, along with my brothers. Kyle's girlfriend, Vanessa, was also here now to support him.

{A/N: Vanessa is first introduced on Chapter 32, with their birthday}

Rocky and Michelle had looked after the kids during the funeral. It pained my heart to leave Raeden and Bear, but there was no other solution.

"I am honestly doing okay. I know that may not be the best answer, but I haven't spoken to him in almost four years before Saturday night. His passing is very sad, but it makes me grateful for what I have now," I said and she smiled at me.

"That's wonderful, honey. Do you think it's not affecting you as much because you didn't have the best relationship with him?"

That was the understatement of the year.

"Yeah, I definitely do."

"Oh, I wanted to ask, how's Raeden's sleeping schedule? Any better?" she asked hopefully and I shook my head.

"No, we're hoping that today may have tired him out a bit. I honestly can't wait for Rocky to get here with my baby," I said. Just then the gate's bell rang and I immediately let Rocky's car inside.

Before long my baby was back in my arms and Bear was on Ross's lap.

"He is so adorable. Hi, Raeden," Vanessa cooed and I chuckled lightly as she tickled Raeden's foot. "He's just the cutest thing ever. You did amazing," she joked and I laughed.

"Well thank you, a lot of effort went into making him," I joked back and she laughed happily. Vanessa was a really nice woman. We've seen quite a lot of her in the last while and I have the idea that Kyle is very serious about her.

"You know, I was so nervous about meeting you at first. I was honestly so intimidated and I knew you mean the absolute world to Kyle and so does your opinion. I'm so glad you're this friendly," she chuckled nervously and I laughed along with her.

"Yes, I've been told I have an extreme resting bitch face, but I like you a lot. I'm not that bad," I teased and she grinned.

***

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ross asked me three o'clock that morning as I was feeding Raeden. He sat on the rug in Raeden's room while I was in the chair.

"I honestly am. I'm just incredibly tired," I said and he nodded in agreement. I looked down and saw Raeden drinking peacefully. His cheeks were still covered in tears from his wailing and crying. "Raeden, Mommy loves you so much, but how about you sleep for the rest of the night? If you do this for me, I promise to give you the best breast milk you've ever tasted," I said and heard Ross chuckle softly. Raeden raised his closed fist a placed it on my chest, a gentle sigh escaping his nose.

When I was done feeding Raeden, Ross rocked him to sleep. We both silently went to bed in hopes that Raeden would sleep tonight. And luckily for us, he slept till nine o'clock the next morning.