Gloomy night

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It was raining. It was raining on the beautiful, perfect island. Any traces of hope had seemed to have dissolved into no more then stale air. Any hope of leaving, any hope of anything. Well, at least to everybody else.
      Hiyoko had one hope, her guiding figure, Mahiru. Mahiru was the only one in her 17 years who truly enjoyed her company, and was willing to spend time with her. Sure, Hiyoko's family was ok, but they only cared if she danced and did what they said. Mahiru was different.
    Hiyoko looked outside of her gloomy cabin, looking directly at Mahiru's Cabin. "Hm," she thought "this island really is a piece of crap.".      
  She yanked her hair out of their rubber band prison and brushed it flat. "It's almost nightime." She observed. But, for some reason, a sense of fear was looming in her. She brushed it off, though, and undid the bright green ribbon on her kimono. She gracefully pulled down the orange kimono and put on the generic pajamas monomi had provided. "Jeez," she thought, looking down at the bright pink pajamas "that rabbit has no fashion sense.".
    Still, after getting ready for bed, an ominous sense of fear sprang over her. "W-why?" She mumbled, as the small sense of fear turned to overwhelming anxiety.
   She couldnt think, all she did was act. She ran. She ran at full speed to Mahiru's tiny cabin. She desperately, as if she was trying to get away from some lurking monster hidden somewhere among the breezy trees, banged on the door.
And so, finally, Mahiru opened the wooden door.
(I did some slight revision, if you catch a spelling or grammar error, tell me.)

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