Why can't I just die?

Enduring, Enduring,

Another day of light away, leaving me to be swallowed up by true darkness while I'm still falling.
Your faces are so dark and distorted, I cannot tell if you're even trying to hide you're a monster.
Yet...
I still cling to you, telling myself that you're not a liar and someone who'll laugh at my thoughts.
I still wish however that I could tell I'm just a fool, telling stupid problems to perfect people.

Mask hadn't moved from his room in hours, ignoring the world around him on his phone. His head rang with the familiar headache, his eyes were sore, his legs burned, and his stomach begged for something to fill it. His ignorance to the clear signs his body was starved and weak just let himself relax. He didn't want to feel himself choking any longer, crying again and again. He just needed his medicine, a way to free his mind from the agony it was in.

His phone was dying, yet he used it like his body and let it die eventually. Mask laid back in his chair after the battery gave out and wondered what time it was. How long he'd been sulking here and rotting in his thoughts. His hand reached for his lit up mouse for his computer and as he grabbed it, his arm gave out in a weak moment. He shivered but said nothing as his computer screen lit up to show him a pathetic 8:57. His eyes blinked away the bright light and he just sighed, standing up as he knew he'd probably be ignored as he go to get something to drink.

Mask's legs forced themselves to carry the weak body they usually did and so he stumbled and struggled to stand now. He used his wall, bed, anything nearby for balance and tried not to knock over his bookshelf mainly as he grab it for support. As he grabbed his door handle and heard the lock click open, he could've sworn his sight went black for more than a blink before he opened it. He clearly wasn't having good luck seeing now..

Though, when he opened the door he was met with a pleasant surprise. Skull standing there and probably having been preparing to knock. Mask bit his tongue and looked up a bit at the tall S4 member nervously as he felt the other's purple eyes bare down on him. While yes, they were a couple inches away in height before when he wasn't standing straight, but now Mask was so unbelievably weak, he was leaning so much on the doorframe and looked so pathetically short.

How fitting.

Mask stood back nervously and stared at Skull in silence to find warmth on his face cold and hidden by the gas mask he wore. Blushing really made him realize how cold he was, but none the less, feelings were not what he wanted right now.He expected Skull to say something, but heard nothing but mumbling. His sight kept blurring as he tried focussing on Skull until he finally realized the other had been talking to him. So he croaked out a simple question.
"S-Sorry... Whaaat was thaat..?"

Skull just simply restated what he'd said before, so Mask finally heard despite his dizzy state.
"Army told me to ask you to come downstairs. Dinner is out if you're wondering."
He spoke, his deep voice making Mask shiver more. Mask nodded ever so briefly and forced himself to stand up somewhat straight with a huff. Skull paitiently waited for Mask, giving the cyan boy the impression that the Sniper was waiting for him. While nice, he didn't want that.

"I-I'll just haave a small bit of whateverrr Army made thoough, caaan you tell him that forr me? I'm goooing to take awhile.."
Mask murmured softly to Skull, earning a nod from the other and the strong man just began to walk downstairs, spikey hair making Mask's halucinations scare him a little more. He shook as he saw more of a monster now out of Skull and felt his dried up heart ache. Another person who kept him alive was starting to look like the things that told him his value, and it was breaking him more and more.

His eyes lowered themselves to the hardwood floor of the hall before he finally took a step out, instantly collapsing into the wall with a slight bang. Mask ignored the feeling and kept forcing himself to make it to dinner. His body screamed for him to fulfill it's desperate needs, but his mind kept injecting the venom of ignorance into play. Because of this, he kept forcing himself to make steps shakily. He didn't want to fall prey to his needy body, he wanted to just deal with life the easy way.

Mask kept taking these gentle movements for awhile and once he got down the stairs with admittedly a big struggle, he realized he would have nothing to grasp onto if he wanted to get to the dinner table. He desperately looked around as he got himself closer to the kitchen where it sit away from the wall and struggled to find a way to get there. He stumbled as he tried breaking away from the wall to see if he could walk there, but he couldn't do anything. He tremble there, fear spiking in his body before he gulped down said panic.

His legs struggled not to give out as he stagger into the kitchen, ignoring everyone there to try and stop himself from falling in the sight of those he care about. His eyes focussed on nothing and shook with fear as he struggle in front of them. The cyan inkling just forced himself to stand up fully against the wall and he just staggered over to the table, barely managing not to hit Aloha who sit beside him in the square table. He said nothing again and weakly sat down in his usual seat, darkened sight making him unsure what he was looking at. But his mind...

His mind knew what to focus on to make his already nervous situation get the tight elastics of his body to curl around his neck. Mask saw their worried expressions, yet in their muffled words he heard laughter unlike theirs. Despite the red flags that he was having more halucinations (this time auditory), he believed them and felt his throat tighten. The gas mask of his face just made him look tense and tired though as usual.

"...M-Mask..? Bud, you doing okay there?"
"Mask?"
"...?.."

Mask just snapped out of it after a bit and nodded gently, yawning out longly as a fake excuse to be inferred. 'Oh, he just stayed up too late.' 'Oh, he's still doing all nighters.' blah, blah, blah... He leaned back in his chair and just watched as those he love abandon their concerned expressions one by one. They were so easy to push away with a mind like his. Both if he wasn't so sad...
And if he had no control left in his mind like now anyways..

The food was set out infront of everyone, pasta looking generally delicious and easy to digest. Of course though, his had no sauce unlike everyone else's and had only cheese because he was picky. Mask had to hand it to Army. It's not easy being the Mom of the house of a six-teen year old gone to wild five year old, a tall muscular six-teen year old who can't tell where he's going and is guided by candy, and... a suicidal six-teen year old whose dying in front of you and yet you never notice. Huh.. He just sighed and lifted his mask a bit so his mouth would show, aware that his blood was still smeared across his face. How nice that he remembered.

Mask was slow to eat.
Despite having maybe half of what everyone else had.
He was last to finish.

But that was the usual, right?

Mask felt numb again after he had eaten,  blinking tiredly and not realizing Army was still there infront of him sitting because his Mask was still up. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve before putting his Mask back on to see the orange inkling infront of him, paitiently waiting for a good time to bring up what he wanted to say. His face felt a little warm since well.. this was another reason he was alive right in front of him and wanting to speak with him alone. He stared at Army a moment before the orange one knew that the attention of Mask was on him.
"Mask, we're really concerned about you recently.. We want you to talk to us if you have a problem okay? The team can't succeed withou-"

Oh. So this was just so the S4 didn't fail in their battles. Mask quit listening at that point, heart feeling too destroyed to continue pulsing blood out in his body. He let out a shakey sigh and made sure to listen to the last part, as he caught the orange inkling blush slightly. His mind forced himself not to process the blush, just tune into the radio for the forecast to finish.

"-sk. We don't want you hurt, alright? So please, speak up if you need something."
Army's voice was serious, but Mask's mind argued against Mask opening up. So he just responded with a nod, crossing his arms and slightly curling up in his chair. His legs pulled themselves up forcefully to somewhat his chest as he sighed.

"I've juuust been staaaaaying uup too late Army.."
Mask murmured softly, blinking as he look the organized boy in the eye and finding traces of doubt. He just sighed and pulled himself out of his chair, stumbling again before pushing the chair back in so Army didn't have to do it. His legs, stronger now from Mask finally treating them to food, carried him more 'effortlessly' out the kitchen and away from Army.
"Dooon't woorry..."

As Mask walk away with those strings tightening themselves around his neck, worsening as he get closer and closer to the top step, his urges for pills grew too strong for him to handle. He just began to walk slowly to the bathroom again where all his methods hide, his means for relief in his current problematic life. He stumbled into the bathroom carefully, forcing himself not to totally collapse right away as he get his hands on his pills again. He twisted open the bottle and shook its contents into his hands very quick, not realizing the one extra pill that he swallowed down his dry throat.

One won't make too much a difference...

His body shook as he set down the medication in the cabinet, ignoring the razor that lay in plain sight for a bit. Mask just stood up and began to leave the bathroom now, leaving the light on as he go into his room and shut the door. The faintest click of his lock sounded. And so the night's main event of hopeless sleep would begin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm worried for him..."
The smallest one murmur, looking up from his booklet to the soft giant of the home. Said giant nodded briefly and adjusted his spiked hair with a brief brush to keep himself composed in a sense. He then just tuned in with his deep voice softly letting out muffled words.
"Well, he probably isn't lying."

"Probably doesn't mean it's true, sweetcheeks."
The more cheery of the bunch tuned in, coming out of the kitchen with a soda firmly in his hands for him to sip from as they have this serious conversation. He sat down with the two on the same couch and sighed.
"He's walking so off, I don't even think if I was drunk it'd be that bad."
His attempts to piece together everything with the rest were rather futile.

"He should be fine. Mask is just taking it a bit too far in his staying up, like he said."

"I hope you're right Skull. How about we all go to that cafe he and Aloha likes on Monday to talk to him? Maybe invite him into the relationship like we've agreed?"

"Sounds good to me. Love you guys with extra homo."

"Love you too, 'Lo."

"Love you.. Now where'd my chocolate go?"


𝙻𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚔 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚢.