"I am not gay"

Breakfast In Bed

"I love you Elliot" He muttered.

Needless to say that the rest of the night I couldn't sleep, tossing and turning, but making sure I wouldn't wake Carl up.  I lay there quietly, every once in a while trying to pay attention to the T.V but it gave me a headache.  I don't know what I'm supposed to say.  I thought he said he wasn't even sure if he wasn't straight.. And now he's telling me he loves me.  Does he really though?  Maybe I just treat him better than the girls he's been with so he's mistaking it as love.. Even though I treat him like that, because the truth is.. I do love him.  Ever since we were younger.  All of these years together.  Spending so much time with him.  He's been there for me through absolutely everything.  He has never, not once, turned his back on me.  There's no denying, that I love him.

But, what if he doesn't truly love me.  What if he doesn't even really know what love is.  What if he really was asleep and he was just sleep-talking?  There are too many 'what if's and I don't have all night.  I mean, I do, but I really would like to get some sort of sleep.  Sleep, that sounds so nice right now.  A break from all of these racing thoughts.  A moment for my entire body to relax.  Sleep.  Carl is asleep next to me.  Cuddled into my side, holding my arm.  Can I please just sleep.  I close my eyes, and just lay there.  But, its not working, I'm still awake, still thinking.  Thinking, the entire reason why I can't actually sleep right now.  If I could just stop thinking.  Carl lightly kissed my arm repeatedly in his sleep.  I feel sick.  I keep my eyes shut, and I just wait.  I have to fall asleep eventually, and I did.

***

What feels like an eternity but simultaneously like mere seconds later, Carl woke me up.  The first thing I see when I open my eyes is him.  It's wonderful, but the thoughts that had kept me awake quickly returned.  I had to ignore them, for the sake of him not finding out.  I smiled at him as I sat up "Morning" I said rubbing my eyes as he chuckled.  "What time is it? It seems really early.." I mumble.  Carl smiled at me "Dude, it's like 10, you're fine." he told me.  Dude.  The word seems like such a friendly word.  Friendly, friend zone, not romantic.. right?  "Oh wow.. man I couldn't sleep for the life of me last night" I stretch and yawn.  "Hey, uhm..  Do you talk in your sleep often?  Or, like at all?" I ask just to test the theory.  "Hmm, nope, never have before." He replied.  That possibility is ruled out.  I nodded, and looked back up to him, why is he smiling so much?  "What-?" I ask the other slightly concerned with how happy he seems.  "Well, I'm glad you asked." He said quickly getting himself out of the bed and racing up the stairs.  Unsure if I was supposed to follow him, I wait patiently for a few moments.  Luckily, I hear his feet padding down the stairs.

When he enters the room again, he's carrying a tray.  "What are yo-" I started "Shut up and let me do something cute" Carl interrupted in this fierce yet innocent tone.  He quickly made his way to the bed and very gently sat the tray down, revealing a small but full breakfast spread.  "Breakfast in bed" I murmured almost astonished.  Carl was taken aback by my tone "I mean.. yeah it is.  I can do nice things" He chuckled trying to lighten the seemingly low mood.  I shook my head lightly and smiled at him, "Yeah, uhm, I know, uh sorry.. I'm just surprised, but thank you.  It looks amazing,".  He smiled "Well, you gave me an absolutely amazing day yesterday, and I know this doesn't live up to that, but I wanted to return the favor somehow." he explained to me.  He's so much sweeter than anyone would ever expect.  I guess just because you grow up on the south side with Frank Gallagher as your father doesn't instantly mean you're a badass 24/7.  "It's perfect" I reassured him, and his smile grew as he gave me a quick kiss.

We dug in to the small spread on the tray having small conversations, making jokes, laughing at each other, and overall having a fantastic time.  At least I thought it was fantastic.  It felt like I could be completely and entirely myself, with no judgement from him.  And it seems like he feels the same because I'm seeing sides of him I haven't seen even after being best friends with him for years.  This moment felt so perfect.  It was perfect.  You could tell that both of us were genuinely happy and maybe even in love.  But, I don't let my mind wander that far, I still don't know for sure if Carl actually meant it when he said it last night.  And, I don't know if I truly love him.  I mean, what was happening between us really seemed like that connection people talk about.  That connection that people spend there whole life trying to find.  And, I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time accepting the truth, because we're so young.  The truth, what is it?  I know what it is, so why am I asking?  The truth is, I had fallen in love with Carl Gallagher.

A/N: I'm sorry this one is a bit shorter! I also apologize that it took me so long to update! I got a bit caught up in other things.  But, thank you guys so much for all of the reads and votes!  I'm so happy that people seem to enjoy this, so I'll try to update a little more often!  Also, I'm trying to start another fic and maybe even an original story, so keep your eye out!  Thank you guys so much, love y'all!