guide me to him

chapter 11 evans POV

yay im finally doing it, it might come out a little weird but i feel like i left you stranded. and this is the day he left just trying not to confuse you.

Evans POV

I sat in my beat up old car. the tires squeaking and protesting against moving the car any farther. i drove and tried to swipe away tears and sadness that i still felt. my girl gracie my girl. her disgusted face still stood in front of mine, the anger and hatred still red in her eyes. 

nelly is dead. dead. she loved that girl even more than her own mother. she had protected that girl nell with her own life. and i was the one to take it away. now she hated me beyond belief of hatred, like the devil himself had come and taken over her body and sent her to attack me.

though she wasnt attacking me physically, her body language and words ripped out my insides and threw them on the ground to be run over by cars. i heard her voice in my head, ' i hate you.' it played over and over until i felt i was going to faint. her eyes almost popping out of her head with untamed fury.

yet i still kissed her. 

she didnt kiss me back although i enjoyed every second when we were momentarily connected. when i pulled away she told me to leave. her voice crushed me still, 'never come back. leave.' 

i swiped another tear. no more crying i scolded myself. i turned off of her street and onto the main road. i went to the shop. my dad sat there fixing a fishing rod. when he heard me walk in he only looked up.

"youve been gone over night." he grunted and then went back to his work.

"yeah." i tried not to sound broken.

"where were you?" he said still not even glancing up at me again. "not at a girls house i hope." he looked up at me and his eyes sparkled with hope that i would say no.

"no i wasnt." i gulped and i felt my adams apple bounce up and down. i went around the back of the counter and slipped on my apron. "uh dad."

"yes?"

"since im going to grad school, do i need to work here anymore? i already paid for all the years." i couldnt take working in a place that manufactured the thing that killed nelly. to much guilt.

"it takes a long time to become a lawyer. if you want to earn money for later classes, you might need the money." he looked up at me again and his eyes sparkled with pride. "im very proud of you." he clapped my shoulder with his tough hands.

"i dont think i will need anymore money." i tried to smile.

"alright. go have fun." he smiled and rubbed my back.

"i will" i smiled and waved at him then slung off the apron and walked out the door.

"no i wont." i muttered to myself. i practically ran to the car and flung open the door. i pounded my fists onto the vinyl seats and beat out my anger. i turned the ignition and sped off to who knows were.

i drove and drove. about twenty miles over the speed limit. its a wonder i didnt get stopped by the cops. i drove. and i went into the grad school i realized. i slowed down to a stop and got out of the car.

i took out a cigarette and took a long drag. grace hates when i smoke. i kept doing it. 

"you could get addicted." i heard a voice come from behind me.

a petite girl with heavy eye makeup  blond hair and cheery clothes. a strange mix of emo and preppy. "yeah?" i tried talking even though i knew i would fail.

"mmmhm. you going to give me one or not?" she looked up at me. her eyes. her eyes were ice blue, i almost drooled at the beauty. why was she hiding behind the makeup. i handed her one. "your going here?" she lit it with a lighter in her pocket and sucked on it.

"uh yeah, you?" i took another drag from the cigarette its smoke curling in the wind.

"no. im not going to go to a place like this." her lips curled up in disgust.

"then why are you here?" i smoked the cigarette then threw it onto the ground. my heart ached for the girl that wasnt here.

"why are you?" she mimicked me and threw the cigarette on the ground. it landed next to mine.

"i go here." i leaned against the wall and put my hands into my pockets.

"oh yeah. your going to become a new lawyer?" she raised an eyebrow.

"i guess."

"i am too. im going here." it sounds like she just decided that she was going to become a lawyer.

"well okay then.....?" i didnt know her name.

"nell." she smiled at me and her eyes turned brown. m&m brown the color of a little girl i know.

i staggered and my breath got caught in my throat. "shit." i went to touch her but she stepped back.

"bye evan." she waved and then walked away.

"tell her i love her!" i called to the silhouette that was making its way down the cement paved sidewalk.

"goodbye evan." her voice whispered in the wind. "see you at school." and then the black shadow was gone. 

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how do you like it? now that its VACATION i will have more time to write. the updates will be better revised and not as sloppy. i know theyve been kind of bad lately but i know that will change! btw how did you like that i disguised nelly? shes becoming quite the ghost. ghosts are tricky because they can do anything but nothing. 

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RACHEL