That Night Returns

Page 11 - Thursday

"This is Shondell Hon coming to you with imperative, breaking news. The convict Mike Russle has broken out of prison. The metal cell was found sliced open, however the device that was used to do the breakage was not found. Please stay absolutely safe out there. He has-"

My fingers automatically pressed the button to shut off the T.V. My insides tightened, the jaw of my mouth squeezed, shoulders shrugged and nerves and tension kicked up in me.

I just stared at the blank T.V reflecting myself. I looked pretty decent since I had better sleep than late night.

That was good. I need to go to school.

My grandma heard the news. She asked if I will be ok....of course I lied. Isn't that what we teenagers do best. Lie about our feelings, hoping it will go away if we pay it no mind?

I couldn't let this shake me, or else Zane would ask next.....and I don't wanna lie to him....it's very hard for me to do such a simple thing.

Just to say the word 'yes' when he ask 'are you alright?'

I choose to walk to school today instead of using my bike. Wasn't gonna be far and long anyway.......... I'm saying that now.......what about the other times?

I'm just trying to stall for time.

***

The day went by pretty silent and quickly.

I managed to smile when he was around, I managed to talk to Meghan, Arthur and Luis at lunch time. I managed to hold back my disgust of Zane and Clare together.

Today, I managed, but it's only a matter of time before he suspects something.

I even think....no I know he knew something was wrong today. I guess he didn't want to confront me about it, just let it roll off my chest naturally.

He came by my house when school was over. I totally forgot about our tutoring session.

"So. Today I'm gonna teach you about vectors. I'll start somewhere simple that won't take too much time to explain. Well depending on how long you take to soak it in"

He chuckled, hoping to get a raise out of me...... nothing.

"......ok, let's start"

At least he was here. He was by my side. Even if it was for physics he was still here.

I hate this.

My head bumped with headaches. The soles of my feet screamed inside me. I felt cold and depressed.

We sat in the couch in the living room. Grandma went to sleep early. He wouldn't stop looking at me, like he was analysing my face.

"Ok you know I was going to ask this question sooner or later, are you alright?"

"Yea..."

Lie.

"I'm just tired"

Lie.

"I think I need to sleep"

Lie.

"Don't worry about me"

Another lie. I needed him. I wanted him next to me. Just to cuddle up in his body. Feel safe, but I don't ask. Instead I let him leave. It would have brought up suspicion if I had asked.

***

The nightmare continued. There I was, standing by a mirror looking like the undead. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound was heard.

The zombie me came out the mirror and push me inside.

Now I was standing in a dark purple room with mirrors of different shapes and sizes all around. As though is was a mirror realm.

Each shower a piece of my past.

The good and the bad.

But there was one mirror, it was heart shaped and the heart was broken. On one side of the broken mirror heart, was my best friend.

He.........was kissing me. It showed us being together. It showed us as a couple.......my heart aches for that.

I loved seeing us like this but also I didn't, for I knew, it would never happen. So seeing it just deepened reality's wound.

Then on the other side. The other half of the heart. My pregnant mother. Being killed by my father. My future little sister, dying along with my mother.

Our family wasn't always broken. Sure my dad was always an aggressive beast with barely any self-restraint but he never took it out on us. He would go sometime else to take his anger out on.

Behind me stood another mirror, it was in the shape of a brain. Myself was inside, staring down at me angrily.

"It's your fucking fault! It's your fault our sister is dead! It's your fault our mother got stabbed in the heart! It's all your fucking fault, for our family being broken. All because you're a fag"

"No.... I'm.....not......I don't-"

"SHUT UP! it's your fault you stupid shity piece of garbage!"

"I'm not a fag!"

Tears came out my eyes as I said these words. They hurt to say.

"Bisexual, fag call it whatever you want, but it's still. All. Your. Fault"

"I DON'T LIKE HIM!!"

"Look at you! I never said anything about him but you mentioned him yourself, which means you were thinking about him.....fucking fag"

"I.......said...... I'm not.....a......a......FUCKING FAG!!!!!!!"

I ran up to the mirror and kicked it broken. When its pieces separated, I was left on the ground. Curled up crying.

The rest of mirrors were gone only two that remained were those of the broken heart, showing me my guilty pleasure, and my worst memory.

My eyes popped open and I noticed tears in them. T.G.I.F right.

I couldn't force anything this time. I walked to school like the undead. I sat in class like the undead.

My face was like the undead, my actions, my movements, my eyes.....all like the undead.

I felt undead.