Smile, Billie [ a billie eilish fanfic | girl x girl ]

40 - heart of gold

She looks at me worriedly, "Same with you, Billie."

Can the ground just please open up and just fucking swallow me dead already?

B looks at the ground as she answers her mom by murmuring incoherent things under her breath.

"We're going to be visiting your father," my mom tells her. "Do you two wanna come?"

I bite my lip as I look at the girl beside me.

I'm happy for Alice, and that she's decided to go out now, but the thing is, I still have this burning feeling of desire within me. We were only a few moments away from...

Yeah...

Fucking.

See, I wanted to spend more time with B, but as much as I wanted that, I care more about B and her family's happiness...

So, I decide to come with them.

"Yes, of course."

• • •

A few moments later, we arrive at the cemetery.

The smell of freshly cut grass, grief, and remorse fills the air.

We make our way to B's dad's grave.

A golden inscription is written on his gray stone:
"Antonio Kendall.
A heart of gold stopped beating,
Two shining eyes at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove
He only takes the best."

Alice gingerly places a bouquet of white lilies, roses, and irises at his gravestone.

B's lips form into a small, sad smile.

Silence fills the air, and she gazes intently at her father's grave.

"Hey," I quietly say; concern laced in my voice, "You alright?"

B doesn't answer for a while, and that gives me a chance to gaze and admire her.

She's been starting to look better since #WeBelieveBella started trending.

Her brown eyes look a lot brighter, her soft, wavy hair looks beautiful under the afternoon sun, and her skin just looks gorgeous.

I was too immersed in my own thoughts, wondering how someone could be this breathtaking amidst the sad atmosphere, that I didn't realize that I was already being too obvious, and that she was already talking.

"Bil, what are you doing?" B starts as she puts a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

I get caught off-guard.

"Nothing," I reply, a little too quickly for my liking.

B looks at me with an accusatory glance, making me look away.

She softly laughs, "I can feel you staring at me, you know."

I look at her, hoping she wouldn't notice the blush that had just made its way onto my cheeks.