Biology with Agatha |JB|

The Agatha I used to know.

Some days I move like water

Some days I burn like fire

- Changes, Justin Bieber

Agatha

Back and forth: the pendulum inside Mr. McGregor's office made my head pound harder. 

Almost the same scenario 5 year old little Agatha was scared of witnessing over and over again.

 Mommy's head to Daddy's... 

Broken vases...

Broken hearts...

Here I was again. It's like I never learn but one look at the troubled principal in front of me had me closing my eyes to suppress the twitch of my lips in contentment. 

I was losing it. 

"I don't understand... you used to be such a modest young lady. Always responsible, clears out of trouble and respects her peers. What's happening?" Mr. McGregor's forehead creased too deep that my hand itched to grab a tissue from his desk to smoothen it roughly. 

"If only I knew the answer to that sir,  I wouldn't be here that often."

His eyes softened for the hundredth time whenever I would sit here inside his office as I spurt out words and parts of my tragic came to be life that he 'oh so' wanted to correlate with my behavior. 

"Is everything okay back ho--"

"Mr. McGregor, I think we bonded pretty well today don't you think? Let's call it a day, yeah? Just so we can save each other's energy." I rushed out as the old man didn't have time to even dismiss me before I was out the door and belting out a blissful, "see you soon!" as I rushed down the empty halls.

The same empty halls that witnessed the silent troubles I meddled myself with. All the second post expressions I fake when talking to people and the crumpled test papers with a B minus--- something my world didn't approve of. Today was one of those days where I didn't care once again. I haven't been caring since I lost almost everyone. 

Maybe it wasn't so smart picking this sultry skirt today when the wind literally shaved my legs in an instant with how cold it was the moment I stepped out. The main building of my high school looked too big all of a sudden sans the obnoxious young adults decorating it all the time and I find myself smiling---a little move I don't make a lot these days just because I can and everything just feels at peace. For now. I like it. 

There are things in my life I was never fond of, actually almost everything in my life didn't quite complement the way people seem to perceive me. My choice in clothing didn't scream that my parents were never home growing up although now that puberty elated me physically I think now it does. People would now know at one look that I don't have a mother to chase me back inside my room to change to a less provocative top or a father to stop me by the door and demand I wear a pair of baggy sweats instead. The things I have: my phone and this car I'm opening didn't reveal that mommy and daddy practiced co-parenting to provide for me. 

"I know I said yes," I coaxed through the phone as I passed by endless family houses until the familiar street welcomed me and my eyes went straight to the third house down from where I am.

"But? What came up? Or is this one of your excuses to always hype me up with plans you'll commit until the very last minute and BAM! Newsflash, YOU ALWAYS BAIL OUT!" Andrea's voice rattled the fogged up screen of my phone and I was losing reasons to soothe her.

"I'm suddenly not feeling it..." I mumbled almost inaudibly knowing she's going to blow once again the second she absorbs what I just said.

As I stepped on the gas moderately, growing frustrated as yet again I found myself driving around a neighborhood I wasn't a residence of. But my eyes didn't seem to acknowledge that fact as it skimmed around each house; mentally re-counting every visible dents, every misplaced little ornaments and even the pebbles I took time craning my neck to count. And as I sped up and finally reached the third house, my hands came around the steering wheel a little too tightly.

The front porch was dimmed with little fairy lights going along the lawn where it almost seemed out of place but it looked right. It complemented the little basketball ring attached to the garage opening that was aligned with the front door I spent a lot of time on or even against and the same door that suddenly opened revealing two people I wished I didn't know.

"Agatha? Hello, are you there?"

They were laughing. Something he said that made her do and now he was following. That all out belly rolling laugh that contracts your tummy almost painfully and you feel your cheeks hollowing out--- that kind, with her. 

"I swear if you hang up on me that will be the last straw."

Andrea's voice felt so far.

She turned towards him, the aftermath of the laugh still evident on her face as she reached up to his face, the face that turned to me and from there on nothing ever felt new. It was the same hopeless flutters, the same air knocking out of my system drastically and always the same pain as he smiled too beautifully at her and it looks good. 

Too good that it hurts. It hurts a lot. 

"I-I'm here. I'm going." I find myself saying as I squeezed the steering wheel and stepped on the gas hard. 

"What? Agatha I'm losing too much sense with this conversation you said---"

And that beating fist inside my chest just had to betray me as my eyes flashed on the side mirror for the last time and it just had to be the same time they leaned in for a kiss. 

"I said I was going to that party and I'm sure as hell won't be coming home sober."

That sums up chapter one. I hope Agatha got you hooked way better than her ability to hook up in the next chapter.  

-S.