Hanahaki Or Killing The Feeling

I Feel Like I Am Drownin'

I am drownig again. Feeling the water under my head and it makes my eyes hard to see anything clear. I lay in the bathtub filled with wated with my eyes wide opened. I am calm but not breathing. I am feeling the oxyden in my lungs is almost gone but i don't breathe. I don't want to. I like torturing myself with this tortment.

Miserable. Useless. Freak...

I recall all these words in my mind that my classmates tell me everyday. Yes, I am miserable. Every day I go to school with no willing to be there. With no willing to see their mocking faces. With no willing to hear the humilliating words they say about me not even behind my back but now in my face... I hold my fists tight.
Yes, I am useless. Everyday my body covers with bruises and scrathes that my stepfather gives me as a punishment. He beats me with his heavy army shoes beating me on my naked back and belly. I cry even If I try not to. The pain is so hard. I want to scream but I know there's mom in the other room. But he keeps beating me with legs and fists trying to make it more painfull more cruell more unbearable. I regret my birth every time he tell me to go to my room and take the shirt so he could hit me harder, so he could see the bruises and the scraches appear on my naked body. I feel blood in my teeth then I feel my tooth in my mounth. But it was easy to fix then he paid the dantist and told him to make all my teeth brilliant white and good. I have the most white and expensive teeth among my classmates. But these teeth aren't mine. Mine are broken as my soul. I bite my tongue not to scream.
Yes, I am a freak. The girl everyone talk about. The girl everyone neglect to talk to and sometimes to touch. I feel horrible at school but it is more bearably than my life at home with my sick stepfather who beats me till I'm bleeding just to get sutisfied after a long day. He is sick and he loves it.
I try to live another day.

I feel like I can't breathe anymore and I finally take my head up feeling the cold air filling my lungs. My breath is fast. I feeling the wet hair on my face and the water that was rolling down the hair. I have been under the water not breathing about the minute until I felt my lungs were about to burts. I wish they did.

I get out from the bathtup. Looking in the mirror. All I see is a miserable girl with very pale skin, and curcles under dark eyes. My dark chesnut hair were wet as my body and I felt freezing. Looking behind I noticed the window was open and the cold April air was filling the room. It's an April already and the weather is not acting on my nerver by constant changing anymone. But the air is still cold as if it's still december. Well, for me is it always winter.

I looked at my reflectoin again and breathe out. It is time for school. Time for another infernal chapter in my life.

Only keep breathing.

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That was the first chapter of my new fanfiction. I promise the new part is coming very soon and there will be more descriptiont and many hillarious things (they won't be hillarious coz i only like making my characters siffer ::::3) Hope you like the beginning.