Misconceptions (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 40 ~ Mila

“I never meant to hurt you,” he said because, apparently, I wasn’t able to utter a word. “I got carried away, I never thought it was going to end up like this. You must know that, Mila. I love you too much to do such a stupid thing like that on purpose. I didn’t think, I’m an idiot, I know that, but I learnt. I swear I’ll never do such a thing again. I guess I didn’t fully understand what it meant for you to do this alone, but now I do. Please, Mila— Forgive me,” he begged and my heart, that irrational part of me wanted to scream yes, that everything was fine. But I was the kind of girl who overthought everything.

“You broke my trust, Zayn. You didn’t just got carried away, you did what I asked you not to do so many times,” I said and my voice was shaking.

“I know, I’m really sorry. I won’t do it again, never,” he replied putting the guitar aside and stepping closer, but I didn’t move. Not backwards or forwards. I just stayed there.

“That’s the thing, Zayn, and what you don’t understand. You betrayed me and trust for me is something important, and it takes time to heal. That’s all what I was asking you for: time. You didn’t need to come here and serenade me, that won’t give me the time I need to heal and to trust you again,” in that occasion, my voice sounded firm and determined.

“I can’t lose you, Mila. I love you so much,” Zayn insisted and my heart was aching, but I knew that this was the right thing to do, it was what I needed to do.

“And if you do, then give me time. We can’t pick up right where we left off because I don’t trust you anymore. We can’t have that kind of relationship, Zayn,” I reasoned and I could see all the pain reflected in his beautiful eyes. I needed him to understand what I was trying to say. “I love you, too, and that’s why I’m telling you this, Zayn. I need time, that’s all what I ask you for. I will heal, I know it, but I can’t do it properly if you rush me. I know it wasn’t your intention and that you learnt, but that doesn’t heal me either.”

“Time,” he mumbled. “But it hurts not having you,” he added and I understood him, oh how I did.

“But everything will go worse if you don’t give me time. Understand this, please.” And I knew that with that single sentence, he understood it. I asked him the same with my writing and he never really got it until he made a mistake.

When he nodded and smiled with all his pain still present in his features, I knew he had learnt to trust me when I told him what I needed and wanted. That single gesture was the first thing I needed to start trusting him again. Maybe I was never going to do it like I did, but it was a beginning.

“I’ll give you all the time you need. When you’re ready, I’ll be there for you,” he promised me and I smiled, grateful that he had finally understood.

+ + + + +

Almost two months had passed and not a single day I stopped missing Zayn. The way I woke up every morning and thought of him, wondering how he was doing, allowed me to realise how much I loved him. It was hard not to rush things and just go to him, but I knew that if I didn’t wait, things wouldn’t end up well between us. If I wasn’t completely healed, we wouldn’t have the ground to build a real relationship and I really loved him, I really did, otherwise I wouldn’t care so much.

Easter was here and I had done well in my exams. I deserved my break and with Moni we had planned just to get rest. She had me writing again, even if I wasn’t posting it on the Internet. She kept me doing what I loved the most and she swore that after I finished my first book, she wasn’t going to rest until we got someone to publish it. I always loved to have her by my side.

“Mila,” my friend called from the living room and I closed Darcy to go and see what she wanted.

I walked in the room and saw that my friend wasn’t alone, a woman in her middle thirties was there with her, both of them were drinking tea and there was a mug for me, I knew that. The woman had this only-business aura around her and she looked serious, but there was kindness in her green eyes and she smiled at me politely.