U got a friend in me ;)

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(You have 5 missed calls from xxx-xxx-xxx. Call back?)

You stared down at your phone, your finger just a few centimeters above the link to the number.

Did you really wanna call that person back?

You didn't want to talk to any of your psychopathic family right now, they deserved your absence. You were too cool for them and gave them enough of your glorious presence this past week.

You groaned, before sliding off the link and onto the groupchat...

Themostawesomestgrill

Yo buttfaces

Who called me last night?

I was out with my mom omg

Y'all know I have a non-psychopathic family, right?

Smh 😤

Jeffery Dahmer:

I called, whore

Why didn't you pick up or call back?

I wanted to invite you to go on a hike with us

Wasn't really a hike, more like climbing trees and trying to call Bigfoot out but he never came

Bastard

Still owes me a free hotdog

👿

TicciBitchy:

Yeah (Y/n), the f r i c k??

We wanted to use u as Bigfoot bait 😔😔

But ur too gae so you didn't pick you

Lil brat

Greenlilgremlin:

Omg wtf

(Y/n)

They used me as bait

Seriously

That shit had me screaming

No cap

It was daRK OUT BY THEN AND EVERYONE WAS HIDING AND I WAS ALONE

EJ:

It was pretty funny.

And some teenagers were out boozing and smoking weed so we ambushed them on the way and I got some kidneys.

Also they were littering.

Sigh— Gen Z...

Greenlilgremlin:

Omg shut up Jack

That's racist 🙄🙄

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