A Whole New World...Or Possibly Life

New York

Planning for this event had stressed me out a little, not gonna lie. I was not used to any kind of crowds like this or intentionally posing to be photographed with Scott except for the few pictures at the book signing. The Evans boys are well known, we all know that. Everyone knows who Chris is, even if it isn't by name, which isn't often, most people know his face by now. Scott can get away with being incognito easier than Chris, but still, he is pretty recognizable if you are familiar with who he is. His personality and looks and demeanor are contagious and draw people in.  I am one lucky person to call that man my best friend!

It didn't bother me as much to be just photographed with Scott. What worried me was what it may do to him and Chris and the firestorm their fans could bring if they got wind of how close we all were. Especially after the mild brush with the girl at the airport on my way to California once she blurted out to the internet.  It did calm down, like they said it would because the pictures were blurry and there was no name linked to them, plus it was just on a gossip site. 

I was still keeping Chris at arms length, admitting to Scott on the phone one night that it was getting to be difficult. My feelings for him were becoming so strong and every time I talked to him, I fell deeper.

"Trouble, are you fighting this because you are scared to be in a relationship after the hurt from the previous one, or are you just against it being with Chris?"

"I don't know.  Both?"

"I am certainly biased in this, but the two of you are perfect for one another.  He adores you.  You obviously are drawn to him and care about him.  You're just so hard headed and stubborn though to see, this could be fate."

"You are biased, ...so technically your opinion doesn't count."

"All I'm saying is just start being a little more open minded.  Maybe look at things in all different directions."

"Scotty, I don't really need you to tell me how to look at things when I'm already feeling things that scare me to death.   I'm more scared of if something goes wrong, we got together and break up and I lose him and possibly you along with him."

"What if, ...what if the opposite happens though.  What if fate brought you both to this point, both over 35 years old, and then you do travel that path and live happily ever after?  Don't you owe it to yourself to see?"

"I don't know."

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Of course Scott's words stayed written in the back of my mind.  Second guessing my beliefs and also my desires, any time I didn't have something to focus on, my mind would think about Chris.  This trip to New York would be the first time we had seen each other, physically, since our blow up.  We still talked every day, but I hadn't been able to hug him or be in the same room with him. 

Scott had been open about his sexual preferences for quite a while and was very comfortable in his skin. It would be highly unlikely for us to be linked romantically, so it was safe for the two of us to be in public together or attend things together.  People had seen Scott with me in California at my book promotions so that was already out there and hadn't been an issue, even if it was not overly publicized.   The problem was, having been a fan of Chris for a while, I had seen what kind of fans he could have and what could happen if he was photographed for any reason with a girl. For the most part, the fans were regular people, nice and respected his boundaries.  Yes, the jealous and possessive type were only a handful in a sea of millions, but sometimes those few could start a shit show and I didn't want to see that happen.  

Anxiety taking over my thoughts had my brain on overload for a few days.  My concern was if people started seeing me with them around, would gossip link me to Chris without concrete evidence like I had seen happen to him in the past with just friends.  Would people think there was a possibility that Scott was easing me into the spotlight for appearances so I could go in public with Chris? How long would people believe the truth, that I was really a friend of both Evans boys?  A family friend?  I had to get my thoughts under control and realize not everyone had a hidden agenda.