A Better Place - The Hobbit Fanfiction

Twenty-Eighth Entry - Going Home

Balin perceived this and made hushing sounds. "No, Mabyn, you don't have to speak. We're taking care of you. We're doing the best we can, I promise."

I was trying to speak regardless of what he said. I couldn't hold his eyes, it was as though they were slipping away from me every time I tried. My agitation grew and a tear slid down my nose. I might be able to speak again tomorrow, but for today that action was beyond me.

Balin wiped my tear away, kissed the knuckles of my fisted hand, and settled onto his knee so he could stroke my hair until I lost consciousness again.

I had brief moments of clarity as I turned white and blue, and lost most of them as I went yellow and gray. I remember Bilbo whispering that he wished so many people hadn't had to die just for gold. I was having a better day that day, and managed to tell him that it wasn't just the gold, the Mountain was a home as well. The gold just tended to change the way people saw it.

"Oh yes I know," he sighed. "I only wish....that things could have been different."

Don't we all.

"Everything," he continued. "I mean, even though I wouldn't know what I was missing, if there was some way that I could, I would choose not to know you if it meant you were living the way you should have in your own home."

It took effort, but all worthwhile things did. With great care, I told him, "I am home," and saw tears gather in his eyes. "Tell them," I insisted, in case later I no longer had the strength. "I have....everything....I could have wanted."

Tauriel, Legolas and the rest of my regular elven guards came to visit me as I lay dying. Having never known Legolas well I didn't understand why he had come until I saw the way he stayed just off Tauriel's shoulder in support. He cared for her. I was glad that someone did. She deserved to be loved. I knew those she commanded cared about her, but this was something different. It was something I would sorely miss never having tasted.

Tauriel brought me a dish with a small plant in it, something I didn't recognize, and I tried very hard to tell her how glad I was to have something green to look at but I couldn't that day. She sat beside me and laid a hand over my hair, and I knew she understood what it meant to me to have something living to watch even if I knew that small leafy plant would outlive me. Somehow it made me feel better knowing the plant could watch me die and not have to mourn.

Mirinel, Soviel, Luviel, Cerian and Oloran all expressed their sadness at my passing and kissed either my brow or my cheek, expressing their pleasure at having been able to have me in their home, and I did my best to stay awake long enough to watch them go. Legolas laid a hand on my shoulder. Tauriel kissed me a final time and went.

Thranduil visited me alone and unannounced. I don't know if anyone else even knew that he had come. He stood before me, watching as I consciously and slowly breathed, then sank onto one knee as Balin had and reached over the blankets to cup my face. "You have given me great amusement. I have valued your life for that."

My breath hitched, choking with gladness that we did not have to part hating each other, and my hand spasmed as I tried to reach out to him. We had gotten acclimated to each other after all, so I was permitted to do so. We had each been part of an experiment to the other, and we knew it. I would miss that part of him that didn't mind if I used knowing him for my own purposes. He was unique.

Thranduil took my working hand and held the fingers to his cheek as though we were merely shaking hands. His impassive expression didn't change.

I took a shuddering breath, hoping to find out where in my chest all my sound had settled away when I could no longer consistently use it. "Thank....thank you. For Thorin's...." I stopped to swallow the foam in my throat. "His sword."