why?

escape

3/5/2020

I don't understand why he had to come back,

I was doing so well, I was getting better,

But here he is again, sitting at my feet,

Staring up at me, and for the thousandth time,

I fight him, I push and scream at him, all until,

I fall, and I cave in, I give him exactly what he wants,

Every single time he comes around to knock on my walls,

I can't resist him, it's the same pattern every time,

He says the same things every time he comes,

I thought for the longest time that there was no escape,

And then one day I slowly got away from him,

It was a miracle and every night, I waited for him,

But he didn't come, and then the next night,

He wasn't there, over and over again until,

One day he simply just wasn't there anymore,

I was free from, I got out, I survived all those years,

Then I got used to him not being there waiting for me,

He wasn't there for so long, that I thought that I was free,

I was finally free, there was no more sleepless nights,

Worrying about pointless things that I had did that day,

That might have upset him or have brought him back,

All those years, it felt like I could never get enough air in my lungs,

But then, I could finally, for the first time in years, breath

I could feel the air deep in my lungs and it was a magical feeling,

And I kept breathing, grateful for every single breath that I took,

But like they say in the sad books, all good things must come to and end,

And that it did, things came crashing down much too fast,

For me to pick up any of the pieces around me, I tried so hard,

To hold everything that fell down at me,

But it was much too late to pick things up and put them back.