His Ignored Wife

36: Confessions and Choices (part 2)

"Demir, I-" I wanted to tell him that I had no idea that she was blackmailing him. I had no idea that she was doing so much for me. I never meant for this to happen.

"I was so mad at her," he continued as if I hadn't even spoken. "I was jealous that she was picking a complete stranger over her own family, hurt that she wasn't bothering about my emotions and forcing me to marry so ordinary and below our status. My father had done that...she was doing just the same...I was hurt because she was the only one I thought was on my side...who understood me, but it seemed as she really wasn't."

Listening to his words...his hurt and his thoughts about me really pained. It took seconds to have thick tears roll down my eyes, anguish embrace me tightly, but he was quick to wipe them away. 

"But then I saw you," he spoke, voice echoing with so many emotions. "That day Nano introduced you to me at the restaurant, it was like I knew you would be dangerous. The walls I had built...I knew that you had the power to tear them down with a single glance. That is what your eyes did to me. You never met your gaze with me until our wedding day, and I purposely avoided them because I was in danger; in danger of falling...in danger of moving on. I couldn't. You weren't supposed to make me feel just like my father. I wasn't supposed to understand my father...and learn about the power of truly adoring someone. Hurting you was the only way I was saving my ownself."

Now, I was openly sobbing. The pain...the hurt...the anguish...all those emotions I had fought against, they were roaring out loud, taking me back towards the dark place I had rescued myself from. I didn't want to hear his side, hear he had reasons for making me feel this heartbroken because it would take away my reasons for hating him. 

"Don't do this." He quickly grabbed my hands that were now covering my face, his own expressions looking so broken and pained. "There should be no more tears caused by me." His voice cracked, thumbs continuously rubbing over my knuckles. I didn't listen to him. I couldn't. This time...I had to show him my pain and my tears. He had to know what he had truly done to me. 

"You have been so cruel to me, Demir," I continued crying, my voice so accusing and so full of pain. "The day I saw you-" It was my time to confess. "In fact, the day Madam Geena started telling me about you... my heart felt so alive and naive. It was ridiculous of me, but I had truly fallen for you. I had been taught about fairytales...and you were it for me. You ruined me...made me forget how to truly care about people. Opening my heart for anyone is no longer an option. You took that away from me." Immense angry fuelled through my veins and replaced my tears. "You took that away from me," I repeated, pulling my hands away from his grasp. "Zaheer, who never even talked to me, has shown me more respect than you ever showed to me. In trying to save yourself, you crushed my soul, and you don't really do that to the people whom you claim to adore." 

"But I did...I do." He quickly grabbed my hands again in a desperate plea, eyes begging for me to believe him. The wind was lightly caressing our faces, the subtle rolls of the waves were echoing the intensity of our emotions and words. "The moment I saw you, all my demons turned real. I was in a dark place. You were the promise that kept haunting me. Falling for you created such havoc for me. I was lost...and the only times, I felt like looking for the shore was when I felt your soul calling out to me. You were my weakness and my strength. This intensity is what scared me...this obsession and pain were what tortured me. I had dealt with loss. I didn't want to go down that road again. I didn't." His voice cracked. My tears were back escaping from the corner of my eyes. 

"But when Meeran came back in your life...you chose her, Demir," I countered, voice so lost and low.

"No, I didn't-"

"You knew about my feelings, Demir. You knew that you had tortured me enough for always allowing Meeran to hold a big part of your life. My pain and insecurity should have made sense to you, but it didn't when it came to her. In fact, I had told you about my past...how badly my grandfather used to treat my grandmother. You didn't bother about the damage you were doing when you decided to strike me for her. It was a dark place I never wanted to visit, yet you pushed to towards it. You chose to destroy me for your first love, so you did choose her over me."